Men part 1
I was a skinny geeky kid, boys teased me, in high school I was bullied by most people. When puberty hit things changed.
It was Christmas time, i was 13, I had a paper round. People were leaving Christmas tips. This one old guy invited me in to get some sweets from a tin. He lived round the corner from my home. I thought nothing of it and went in, we were in his living room. He asked me for a kiss, I thought he meant a peck, like the kind you'd give your grandfather. So I lent forward and touched his lips with mine, he forcefully open his mouth and stole my first kiss, but worse than that he had reached up and was squeezing my right breast. I froze, I had a million thoughts in my head. I was scared, ashamed, confused. I pulled away and left as quickly as I could. I never went in again, no matter how many times he asked. I was glad when he died.
Then in school, I was studying GCSE Drama, aged 14 I think. I was tidying up and putting some bits in the drama cupboard when 2 of the boys came in. They were chatting to me, not very friendly, discussing with each other if they thought I was a "goer". I felt intimidated, I froze. They came towards me, I was near the back wall. Then I was against the back wall, one of them each side of me. One of them had his hand on my shoulders, he smelt of onion crisps. The other started to run his hand up my skirt ... The bell rang, I had never been so thankful to hear the bell in all my life. Lots of voices started sounding around & I'm not sure if anyone else came in the Drama cupboard or not, but they pulled back really fast. My heart was pounding, I was still frozen for a moment. But then I got out of there, got my bag and got on with my day trying so hard to block the thoughts from my head.
The there was SN, I fancied this boy, we hung out with the same crowd. One night we were the only two out. It turns out he fancied me too. We walked down the canal, we kissed, kissed for ages sat under the bridge. Then in school the next day he acted like nothing had happened, no acknowledgement, not even eye contact. Over the space of about 3 months we were alone quite a lot. We had progressed to touching each other. It was quite heated, very intense, we never went all the way though. He still would not acknowledge me in the day time, or when we were all in a group, he was ashamed of me, I was his secret. Then Christmas time, I throwing a party for my friends (trying to be more popular if I'm honest) & SN was there, he was all over Natasha, he publicly asked her out. I was devastated. This was the first time I remember thinking about killing myself.
Life got worse at 15.
It was Christmas time, i was 13, I had a paper round. People were leaving Christmas tips. This one old guy invited me in to get some sweets from a tin. He lived round the corner from my home. I thought nothing of it and went in, we were in his living room. He asked me for a kiss, I thought he meant a peck, like the kind you'd give your grandfather. So I lent forward and touched his lips with mine, he forcefully open his mouth and stole my first kiss, but worse than that he had reached up and was squeezing my right breast. I froze, I had a million thoughts in my head. I was scared, ashamed, confused. I pulled away and left as quickly as I could. I never went in again, no matter how many times he asked. I was glad when he died.
Then in school, I was studying GCSE Drama, aged 14 I think. I was tidying up and putting some bits in the drama cupboard when 2 of the boys came in. They were chatting to me, not very friendly, discussing with each other if they thought I was a "goer". I felt intimidated, I froze. They came towards me, I was near the back wall. Then I was against the back wall, one of them each side of me. One of them had his hand on my shoulders, he smelt of onion crisps. The other started to run his hand up my skirt ... The bell rang, I had never been so thankful to hear the bell in all my life. Lots of voices started sounding around & I'm not sure if anyone else came in the Drama cupboard or not, but they pulled back really fast. My heart was pounding, I was still frozen for a moment. But then I got out of there, got my bag and got on with my day trying so hard to block the thoughts from my head.
The there was SN, I fancied this boy, we hung out with the same crowd. One night we were the only two out. It turns out he fancied me too. We walked down the canal, we kissed, kissed for ages sat under the bridge. Then in school the next day he acted like nothing had happened, no acknowledgement, not even eye contact. Over the space of about 3 months we were alone quite a lot. We had progressed to touching each other. It was quite heated, very intense, we never went all the way though. He still would not acknowledge me in the day time, or when we were all in a group, he was ashamed of me, I was his secret. Then Christmas time, I throwing a party for my friends (trying to be more popular if I'm honest) & SN was there, he was all over Natasha, he publicly asked her out. I was devastated. This was the first time I remember thinking about killing myself.
Life got worse at 15.
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