Memories & reflections through our surroundings.

Memories and reflections through our surroundings.  It has been over one year since Smokey has died.  I am looking around my one bedroom apartment.  There have been a bit of changes that were made.  Instead of just two recliner chairs that Smokey and I sat on, I have one love seat with matching chair.  It is more visitor friendly now.  It is much cozier.  Smokey gave the love seat and chair to my brother Don.  Don now wants to make his apartment a minimalist look and wants to get laminate floors, so he is getting rid of things.  He didn't want the love seat and chair anymore.  I got them back which makes me happy.  It feels so much cozier now in the living room.  I have gotten different pictures on the wall since Smokey died.  It reflects me now a lot more instead of Smokey.  I can change my surroundings but the love and memories of Smokey will live with me forever in my heart.  I even have a wonderful new man named Dave in my life and have been dating for almost 5 months.  Smokey will stay with me forever in my heart and in my memories of him, which will never go away.  Even Dave has the love for Catherine in his heart.  They broke up 6 years ago.  We are both ready for one another and so far so good.  At first I kept comparing Dave to Smokey.  Now I am at the stage of just accepting Dave for who and what he is now.  It took a whole lot of pressure off my shoulders and I felt relief.  
I left the bedroom pretty much the way it was although with less things in it.  I did get a new duvet cover and put a few pictures up on the wall.  It reflects me.
The kitchen it pretty much the same.  
The bathroom towels were changed to white.  I know they get dirty a lot but I wanted a spa feel to it.  It's okay.  I would eventually like to get the cabinet painted.  It is the original apartment colored brownish cabinet.  I would like it to go lighter as well. 
Over all, I like the changes that I have made to the apartment.  For me, it feels a lot more cozier than it used to feel.  It is starting to reflect me now.  These are all good things.
I have been on a lot of interviews.  Who says that in December and January they slow down because it hasn't for me?  I am still going out on interviews.  Hopefully, one day I will get a bite and a full-time job.  They seem to like my qualifications.  I am good at what I do.  
I feel more contented these days.  I feel so much love, joy and peace inside my heart.  It is my faith In Jesus and how things are going in my life.  God has blessed me with so much.  I am in God's hands, which are the best hands to be in for me.
All the best to everyone and eventually you will cope, heal and surprise yourself as well through the grief of the loss of your loved one whether it is a family member, friend or spouse.  It is not easy being the survivor when you would rather have the other person alive with you.  It is not selfish.  It is hard coping with changes that you did not want nor ask for.  I wanted to die with my late-mom and Smokey but alas I am alive and well.  There is a purpose for each of us.  We have to keep on breathing, eating and eventually living our lives to honor those that have gone on before us.  
These are my beliefs and opinions from Diane B.



Im glad you seem to have found peace,.. your friend, Dave