memories=pain
I am really feeling so much more pain than I was before. The reality of his absence in my life is so horrible that it just makes me feel sick all over. I was remembering going to a drive thru at lunch...and it was the time I'd usually call him and thinking that I would just call him after picking up food. I called every day at lunch-no big deal. I was able to just call and talk to him-something that is impossible now. I felt overwhelmed with sadness of that memory and just felt sick. Like how lucky I was then and didn't even know it. And thinking "noooooooooooo, this can't be real!!!" I feel like I'm going to just explode with misery. I miss Aaron all day every day. What do I do now? The person who was supposed to love me like his own body, destroyed himself. Who's my partner now? no one. Who do I have to love? no one...I need to just go to sleep and forget for at least a little while that this is my new normal. Alone-ness
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all i can say is i get every word, i can\'t call her at lunch anymore so i go and sit on a log and cry. It\'s brutal Sometimes the thought that they\'re not coming back, that\'s it, just overwhelms you and terrifies you.
wish i could help you, reading that someone else somewhere is in the same hell as me makes me feel less like the only broken person on the planet. thinking of you
I understand on the phone call. Dina was a teacher so she was always out of work before me. She would call most days on her ride home, around 3PM or so. I hadn\'t been in my office at that time in about 4 months before she died because I was at the hospital with her. On the first day that I was back to normal hours 3PM came and I waited for the phone to ring but it never did. Another day early one someone else called around that time and I got a flash of hope, only to remember that it would never be her again. If I step away from my desk in the afternoon I still find myself checking the caller ID on my phone when I get back to my desk to see if I missed any calls. It gets easier but the thought of a daily ritual like this that is now gone forever never really goes away.
It is so comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels this pain. Pete, that does sound brutal and I can completely relate. I also feel terrified and overwhelmed by the fact that I will not ever be able to talk to him again. And that I can\'t have my questions answered. How unresolved things feel... jrp32079, I find myself too, wanting to call and thinking I can try and reach him, as strange as that sounds. In the beginning, I would send him text messages. Thank you for sharing with me. It helps to not feel alone in this...