Meltdown at the RE
I want to thank all of you who commented on yesterday's journal entry with so much support....I swear I couldn't get thru any of this without you wonderful ladies!
I just got back from my cd 3 blood and sono. Well, I ended up having a total meltdown in the office UGH! I didn't realize today was the day they were going to go over all the shots, etc. and DH is home with a 102 fever and the flu and he is the one who is going to be doing my shots. So here I am, by myself, freaking out, not realizing I would be starting any medication today (I'm sure you IVF veterans are getting a kick out of this story) and yeah, I know, duh, maybe I should have realized this. I am not doing conventional IVF, I am doing a mini cycle which has way less hormones/drugs (long story, I wrote in a journal a while back about a liver tumor I had years ago from the BCP and I am not supposed to take any hormones so we opted for a mini cycle to reduce the amount of hormones I take). Anyway, they tell me I'm supposed to begin femara and clomid today (apparantly my RE has found that both at the same time produce better results?) and I'm waiting for a call to hear how my bloodwork came out and when I'm supposed to begin the injections. Meanwhile, I also found out there's a chance now our insurance isn't going to pay for the meds when we thought they would. WTF!??!!? Somehow, sitting there today by myself this all became very very real and I just freaked out. I know I am a strong person, but I don't know if I am up for this!!! How do you all do this and for some of you, so often!? I must be the biggest chicken out there! How can I handle childbirth if I am already freaking out?! Deep breaths......
I just got back from my cd 3 blood and sono. Well, I ended up having a total meltdown in the office UGH! I didn't realize today was the day they were going to go over all the shots, etc. and DH is home with a 102 fever and the flu and he is the one who is going to be doing my shots. So here I am, by myself, freaking out, not realizing I would be starting any medication today (I'm sure you IVF veterans are getting a kick out of this story) and yeah, I know, duh, maybe I should have realized this. I am not doing conventional IVF, I am doing a mini cycle which has way less hormones/drugs (long story, I wrote in a journal a while back about a liver tumor I had years ago from the BCP and I am not supposed to take any hormones so we opted for a mini cycle to reduce the amount of hormones I take). Anyway, they tell me I'm supposed to begin femara and clomid today (apparantly my RE has found that both at the same time produce better results?) and I'm waiting for a call to hear how my bloodwork came out and when I'm supposed to begin the injections. Meanwhile, I also found out there's a chance now our insurance isn't going to pay for the meds when we thought they would. WTF!??!!? Somehow, sitting there today by myself this all became very very real and I just freaked out. I know I am a strong person, but I don't know if I am up for this!!! How do you all do this and for some of you, so often!? I must be the biggest chicken out there! How can I handle childbirth if I am already freaking out?! Deep breaths......
Replies
Seriously, deep greaths girl! Everything will be figured out! My meds weren\'t covered through insurance either- even after I was told they would be. Luckily, my doctor has had samples so was able to cover some of my meds! No need to feel silly over meltdowns.... Seriously, when I got my period after our failed cycle, I was not completely ready for it to be so traumatic. I literally left work, cried in my car and all the way home- my husband thought I was nuts!
And PS- I find it really helps if I focus on one thing at a time- I cannot let myself think too hard about the future/the what ifs/ etc..... I get easily overwhelmed with the whole process and just how crazy and unfair this all is!
Trust me when I tell you we have all been there! My poor nurse has had to listen to me sob numerous times! At my IVF consult I was close to tears the whole time and had blood shot eyes because I had been crying on my way to the RE. Let me just tell you they must have thought I was on something with my eyes all red! What I can offer is this, it does get easier! Just remember there will be bumps, this is not an easy journey. But you have come this far and are about to start mini-IVF, how exciting! Deep breaths will help and you will get through this! How strong you are already coming this far, remember that!
Totally understandable. Hearing about all the meds is so overwhelming. When the box was delivered to our house, I had a complete meltdown. I am on my 7th day of giving myself the shots and it gets easier. I feel awful (headache, moody, and upset stomach) but giving myself the actual shot hasn\'t been bad. DH offered to do them for me, but I decided I\'d rather just do it and I\'m glad I did because he won\'t be home tomorrow night when I have to give myself the shot. Anyway, you\'re not crazy, and we are all going through similar crap and it just sucks. Everyone is allowed a meltdown and you have plenty reason to have one. Just get in your PJs early tonight and watch some bad reality TV or read a good book to get your mind off of it - that\'s what I plan on doing!
You can do it! It will all be worth it in the end!
You are not alone. I have regular melt downs and i haven\'t even starting with the injectable drugs yet. It\'s all scary and it feels so unfair. I pray that this will be \"the\" cycle for you! Hang in there :)
We have all been there. Crying our hearts out. You will have good days and bad ones. You are strong!!! Try to stay positive. Tackle one battle at a time. Deep breath. We are here for you.
BTDT! Just take a step back and relax...One step at a time....
I agree with jewelzsi. Take it one step at a time. I\'m certain it\'s overwhelming at the beginning, but after this whole IF journey, I think you have the skills to deal! As for the \"how will you handle childbirth?\" Comment, I think you\'re going to be better able to handle childbirth because of the struggles it took to get there. WHEN it happens for you, you\'ll do amazing! Someone having struggled through IF has thought about that moment many times over and I\'m certain you\'ll have the strength to deal :D
You will be able to do this and it will get easier! I think I said earlier that it \"doesn\'t get easier\" but that was in reference to hearing bad news and doing this over and over again. The shots really do get easier. The first shipment for me was so overwhelming and definitely freaked me out. Once you start the shots and realize that they aren\'t that painful (just annoying and can make you a little crazy) and they are over pretty quickly. At this point (IVF #6 coming up after 5 IUI\'s that were medicated) I can\'t believe how quickly the shots are over. I am usually on them for about 8 nights and it goes pretty fast (unlike the 2ww). Take a deep breath, don\'t worry about the meltdown we have all been there (and I am sure the RE office has seen it all). You will be fine......I promise! I am a big baby with this sort of stuff and I can honestly say if I keep coming back for more the process is tolerable. We are all here to get you through it! XOXO
First off no one will laugh at you about not knowing when you\'d start your shots and not knowing what to expect. I had a melt down this week because I couldn\'t remember how to mix one of my meds, the shot I take at night. This is the same meds I had on my last cycle but apparently I got confused and so did DH. If you\'re not sure, you can see video\'s on the net about how to give the shots if your clinic didn\'t give you a DVD. My DH wasn\'t with me and just looked at the video and was fine. Plus, just remember this will not be your last meltdown with IVF but that\'s what we are here for. I agree with Deb, I\'m a big baby, if DH didn\'t give me my shots I wouldn\'t take them. He probably get\'s hit at least once with every shot I get, but in the end, it all turns out fine. I feel awfull on the meds but don\'t seem to remember how it felt the last time. DH says it was the same, so I guest in a way it must be like childbirth, you forget how bad it was once your done.
He are here if you have questions.I hope the problem with your insurance get\'s solved.
Thinking of you.
xoxo
Don\'t blame you, especially if you aren\'t truly prepared and ready for it all. Hoping that you found some peace tonight and your hubby is feeling better!!
We\'ve all been there.....I remember being so totally overwhelmed at it all when I first heard about my protocol. The shots, timing, measuring....I remember freaking out at a nurse, lol. Anyway, you can do it! In fact its a little scary how quickly you can adjust to it. As for DH not being there, its too bad he had to miss it, but you can do the shots yourself. I did my first two IVF\'s single and in fact even though I have a partner now, I given myself every shot except for one. Its amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. Good luck!!!
Thinking of you! I know how overwhelming it can all be. Hang in there and wishing you the best of luck. Sending big hugs...xoxo
Oh the joys of the first IVF ;) don\'t worry you can and will make it through this! Take things one step at a time. One shot at a time, one day at a time. Also my best advice is to do something special for yourself everyday during this time. Even if it is just using a special body lotion or rewarding yourself with a cookie.
Good luck and remember you are stronger than you think you are!