Meh...

Not sure how I'm feeling today. I finally told my best friend of 25 years that I am divorced. She was definitely shocked but she handled it quite well. She asked plenty of questions to get some clarity and then we went back to our normal bull$#itting telephone time. 

My kids are with their dad this weekend so I have this giant house all to myself. That's not entirely true...I currently have custody of our dogs and my daughters guinea pigs are permenant residents. But as for fur-less occupants, I am flying solo this weekend. This solo time has given me so much pointless time to myself. I find myself binge watching Flip or Flop on HGtv. At this point I have enough flipping knowledge to redo a million dollar home in Orange County, CA. But that venture will have to hold off till I can front a half million dollars for a dilapidated home with termite damage.

All this solo time has given me a lot of time to get clarity on my feelings. I think I am ok with the divorce. It's still new but when I think about the divorce I feel indifferent. Not sad, not happy; just at peace with it. I have finally realized the struggle I'm having is solely on his new relationship. I don't feel comfortable knowing he has so easily moved on. I don't feel comfortable knowing someone else has his heart. I tried to overcome my fears today and told my ex I wanted to meet his new "friend". He told me he thinks she would like to meet me too but that's where it ended. He didn't bring up the topic when he came to get the kids and I didn't persist. I regret not speaking up. She will be going back to her side of the country within the next week so if I don't get my opportunity I have plans to connect with her through email.

I'm really proud of myself. At the beginning of this process I was very emotional, very scared for my future and very uncertain if divorce was even something I wanted. Now, I am positive divorce was the right choice and not really scared of my future. I can still be emotional but each day seems to be a little better than the day before. So as for today's emotional forecast, I am doing ok. I haven't cried today and I haven't had any emotional outbursts. So not too shabby for my divorce being finalized exactly one week ago.