Me in a nutshell
Good morning (^_^)
I hope everyone is well and having a great day today.
If you know me long enough, I'm sure at some point you'll see me have a complete meltdown and wonder 'what the heck, what happened how is this the same person?'
Or if I feel comfortable enough to trust you I'll tell you. I live with borderline personality.
Don't run away, yet ! I know when I say BPD it freaks people out they think of angry volatile outburst. THAT'S NOT ME. I don't have an angry bone in my body; it's just not me. I'm not a danger to anyone (other than myself) so Please don't be afraid or run away.
I found this great video that explains the difference between the various sub types. BPD gets it's bad rep from the angry sub type
I'm considered "high functioning" Quiet BPD I don't externalize frustration or anger. I internalize it. Get very self critical, depressed suicidal ect. If you're interested in knowing or understand more the video link is below.
Again have a wonderful blessed day :)
https://youtu.be/kNi9bEeFOQU?si=dLT3WYHTbpPBKOB-
Replies
Believe it or not, I can be the same way. You're in good company...or we amplify each other depending on how one looks at it. I am only barely familiar with BPD and get confused between bipolar and BPD. I know with mood swings, a different person can emerge. This is especially true with lack of sleep, among other possibilities. We get overload. I've gone on rages that seem like runaway trains that I'm aware of but can do nothing about. That's disturbing. Cognitive awareness and helplessness to emotional override is like wildfire or wild magic that you've released from a genie bottle though you get no wishes and it only very reluctantly can be put back in. I read about bipolar rage, which is where I get confused. Sometimes the high or low seems so natural that it takes serious mindfulness to figure it out. I've been on meds and mood stabilizers for so long that I can't remember the highs, but the lows I do. I upped the dose on one med to compensate for flash anger but there is always a tradeoff. My creativity is stuck in mud for the most part and I used to be prolific in thought and creation. But there is a choice, stability and family so as not to drive them away or unpredictability. I advised my friends of my problem and they get it. They don't argue or join in when I get animated by certain subject, usually politics. I've learned to stay away from the news that are pressure points. So feel at home.
I'm very familiar with BPD. A large portion of my family has been diagnosed with it. I have some traits of it myself. But my anger issues come from having Intermittent Explosive Disorder.
I know this is an old journal, but I too have bpd. I’m incredibly even tempered too. I internalize my anger as well. I let out my anger through journaling. It doesn’t help.