May Trigger....SI...
Ok...just jotting down some of the thoughts in my head...just to try and work out whats going on.coment if you want...dont read if you are easily triggered by SI coments.I cant help it.i want to keep going..i want to cut and burn and just let the blood run out everywhere.SI gives me an adrenilin rush and makes me crave for more..sounds stupid.makes me sound like some kind of addict craving for drugs.SI is just dominating my thoughts right now and i want it to stop.i cant help thinking about it and i know the only thing that will take these thoughts away is antipsychotics and in a way i crave them just to rid these SI thoughts...but then i think again and i want these si thoughts .i want to burn and cut and mutilate myself.it is what i truely deserve.i dont deserve happiness or health or friends,kids,hubby, knowledge. I am a useless unworthy person and i dont know why.i just am.ok ok i just gotta go now..shouldnt be doing this..
Replies
sounds like how I feel
Try doing anything that isn\'t SI and produces intense sensation: squeezing ice, taking a cold bath or hot or cold shower, biting into something strongly flavored (hot peppers, ginger root, unpeeled lemon/lime/grapefruit), rubbing Ben-Gay or Icy-Hot or Vap-O-Rub under your nose, sex, etc. These strategies may work because the intense emotions that provoke SI are transient; they come and go like waves, and if you can stay upright through one, you get some breathing room before the next. The more waves you tolerate without falling over, the stronger you become. This could help you get through an intense moment of badness without making things worse for yourself in the long run. Think of it like training wheels, and they teach you that you can get through a crisis without hurting yourself.
Most of all, realize you are a kind, caring person who DOES deserve happiness. Don\'t underestimate your worth... realize that your feelings may be the result of depression talking, not the real you.
XOXOXOXO
thanks...sure is something to think about doing.