May 20th
I feel very stuck. With current circumstances, my anxiety seems to be coming back over and over, and it knocks me down and wears me out and hurts my spirit. I'm having a bout of hopelessness now. I know circumstances will change; the lockdown will end, I will move out and go to college, but I'm afraid that the anxiety will last forever.
My go-to for when I feel anxious or apathetic lately is to just excercise, and I know that is very good. It's starting to feel sort of stale though, and lately all I can think about is how much it hurts and how I'd rather be done. My family's driving me nuts, pressuring and shaming me constantly, narcissistic bastards. I feel distant from others with the lockdown, it's just not the same over text and call. I'm just lonely, and I feel ashamed about that. And about everything.
Replies
I get it, especially the part about texting/calling, even video conferencing, isn't the same. They loneliness can be daunting and overwhelming. For what its worth, you are not alone in feeling the anxiety and loneliness with similar effects. I know its not much comfort that many of us regardless of age, gender, ideology and/or location, are feeling this way..
Please know that there is absolutely nothing shameful or wrong about feeling this way. Its normal and natural. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are, and they ebb and flow. (And I wish I could give you a real live in person hug for absolutely no reason except you are who you are!)
imho, shame is THE most destructive & abusive thing humans do to each other & ourselves Have you heard of Brene Brown? She's been researching shame and vulnerability for over 2 decades. She's written several good books & done a few ted talks. This is one on shame. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame
I know you didn't ask for advice, so please these these suggestions for what your think they're worth.
Every time anyone pressures/shames/blames you, visualize yourself looking at their hand as they're pointing (or even shaking) their finger at you. Notice how many fingers of pressure/shame/blame are pointing back at them. (That comes from the book, The Blame Game).
Every time someone pressures/shames/blames you, silently practice self empathy. Say (silently) at least one, but preferably five, positives about yourself that counteract what they said. (Experts say it takes 5 positives to counteract one negative!) The good thing about this is that you don't have to do it perfectly. It helps to say these things to yourself as if you were talking to your inner little child. If you aren't into the inner child stuff, say it with the same empathy you would show a small child who has no one else to comfort them.
Picture the pressurer/shamer/blamer/ wearing the bunny pj's that Ralphie had to wear in A Christmas Story, just don't laugh out loud.
Create an invisible shield that repels pressure/shame/blame and bounces it out into the universe. Imagine it being transmuted into anything positive you want.
When you're alone, look in the mirror and say things like:
"I love you just the way you are."
"You are doing the best you can with what you have in this moment."
"You're doing a great job."
"You are an excellent (fill in the blank, like artist, writer, etc.)"
Note that when you first start, it can stir up some emotions, but its very powerful in shifting how we see ourselves.
If you don't do any of these, that's ok. All I ask is that you to remind yourself of the following every day:
"First and foremost, I am a human BEING, not a human DOING!"
Because you really are amazing just the way you are.
oxo