masks......gratitude.......these life and times.

the things that roll through our heads.........woke up happy because it was a low pain awakening.  a treasured rarity.  grateful.....

after breakfast the all too familiar fatigue hit.....laid back down. pillows offering comfort, blanket providing warmth......the tv providing a welcome distraction.  grateful.

two hours later i was able to shower.......which was four hours after i woke up.  it takes time every day to be patient, wait for the time when i can begin to begin.........uh huh,  you heard me right.  everything requires patience, determination and timing.  grateful for everything i get to do.  grateful

the shower curtain liner is in hot water and bleach.......i was able to spray down the shower......whisk off the funk with a scrubby brush.  i was already dreaming that i could pull some weeds today.  haven't managed it so far this summer, but it doesn't stop the want ......the feel of accomplishment of a tidy garden bed.  but the outdoors is hard......i added more faux flowers around the base of my mailbox.  i added red, yellow and orange mini mums to the white faux baby's breath.  it looks alive-ish (faux or not, it's pretty cute).......refreshed.  i poured the last bucket of black mulch around the perimeter and even though i thought part of me was dying.......muscle spasms and all things unhappy in the spine and  shoulders and oh my.......but even beyond that as i sat in my soft green chair back inside with the lovely cooled air.....catching my breath i thought i got to do that.......all by myself. i felt grateful......sweaty but grateful.

the bed is tidy, the carpet vacuumed......the back patio hosed off after the recent storm.......dishes done, hair combed......feeling refreshed and wondering what i will be able to do today.  return the shoes i bought six weeks ago?  hmmm, get items ordered online from walmart to take care of my home and my kitties?  pull ten weeds .......?  all i need are gloves, a bucket.......bottled water waiting by the chair on the front porch.  i want to reclaim the big garden bed.....filled with azaleas, day lillies, hydrangea, peonies, hostas, and oh my i was on such a roll there for a minute......tall slender sturdy stalks......with purple flowers.......they bloom around mother's day.  (and a ton of freaking weeds.....so many weeds)  a pretty weed ridden garden bed......irises.  yes, remembered.......grateful yet again.

i read something written by a friend's daughter this morning on FB.  i rarely go there........rarely cause it reminds me JUST how very different my life is than the average healthy person.  makes it harder to keep my mind right for the way i want to live.......a life of joy.  i've known this young lady since she was a little girl, now she is a wife, a mother, a nurse......sister,  daughter.......friend......and she talks about what she has learned since the world closed due to the pandemic.  the worry, the fear, the frustration.......and also about the time she gained with her children, how less is more when you have the time to focus on what is truly important.......she felt her entire family grasp the meaning of a simpler life.....a time when family was more tightly knit.......but she also wrote about how she felt her freedom was being impinged because of masks.  she's a nurse........how does she not get this?  she didn't say it's not fun wearing a mask which is true, it isn't.  she didn't say it's the least i can do to protect myself, my family, the world around me.......what she said was that she wants to protect her right to not wear a mask and the right to say she has the right to not wear a mask.

and i wondered ......she has the right to put her hand on a hot stove and yet she doesn't do that.  she tells her children no no when they get to close to a hot stove............she doesn't purposely endanger their young lives and their little hands because it suppresses their right to get burned.  no she does not, she insists on holding their hands when walking in traffic areas......she protects them from the danger of electrical outlets, she makes sure that they can't get into cupboards that carry risky chemicals found in cleaning products.  ....... does she stop at red lights to protect her childen in the family car?  does she refuse to go through the green lights, instead sitting there blocking traffic ignoring the impatient honks of other drivers......which suddenly causes a twelve car pile up cause one driver at the back of the line accidently rear ends one car which results in all those cars being hit.......people getting injured.......all because she doesn't want her freedom suppressed?  does she ignore seat belts or smoke alarms or carbon dioxide detectors........does she or doesn't she........?  to me it seems like common sense, civic duty and intelligence would tell you that despite the minor inconvenience of a mask you are doing the right thing.  protecting yourself, your babies, your mate.......your neighbors known and unknown.

it's not all about her, as in picking on her and only her..........it's about the idea in her mind & those like her that won't let them realize the danger they are in........this is a simple matter of good health, simple practical smart safety measures......this is not a drill or a hoax or a conspiracy.  this is a time when we all need to do the right thing.

i wonder if she/they could manage the freedoms so many of us have lost to illness?  the medicines we have to take to manage our precarious health/all the time spent getting medical help, diagnoses, managing daily care, advocating for ourselves every single day......to illnesses that don't quit, take a vacation or go away ever.  .....the loss of social life, career, personal desires to travel or spend more time in the world......all the planning we have to do to do the simplest things..........would she, would others like her be able to manage?  in time.......she/they would learn .......most likely.  she/they wouldn't still be protesting the mask when out in public.  would they?  seriously?

does she think, "oh that poor surgeon, look at how his personal freedom is being suppressed as he enters the operating room that has been sterilized".......the surgeon is wearing a mask, gloves......fresh scrubs, a covering on his head........all to be in care of her husband, her......her precious babies.......her mom who is not so young anymore........her dad now sporting white hair.........does she protest that or does she think it's what should happen? it's what is necessary to make it safe during a serious time for a loved one?  maybe she is not worried about anyone else because she has left the hospital to rush to the dollar store to buy a piece of poster board to make a sign IMMEDIATELY to protest his suppressed freedom.........?  i doubt that she would ever do that.............if she's wise, caring........smart, considerate.  she is far from the only one.......who feels that their FREEDOM is being suppressed.......she is still alive and well so it's not an immediate and present danger to her world. 

i've lost years and years because my immune system is compromised.  catching every wayward airborne germ....all those airborne water droplets expelled from one's nose and mouth........i've spent more time in captivity than most endangered species could even relate to.  i've had to go through endless rounds of medicines to help stabilise and heal my limited strength and health.  i've lost more than two decades to chronic never get better illness............i am grateful for every one who wears a mask, i am grateful that i am alive to have the ability to put on a mask when i am out in public.......it's a small things to do to help our nation, our world in a time of great crisis.......i don't understand why any one thinks it's poltical and not smart health care choices.  protest if you must but please put on the mask.  i have more living i still want to do.........life is important, protect it........and be grateful that you helped.

whew.........i think i need to pray for awhile.  God Bless You and Yours this Sunday........