Marking Time...

Since I realized that I have been hit with a bad episode of depression, I feel like my days are just a measure of time as I wait for the medications to start to work.  I look at how today, I was outside of the apartment for 4 or 5 hours and only cried once. A few days ago, I made it to my doctor's appointment, but when I parked my car, couldn't imagine actually finding the strength to get out of the car. Today, I realized I needed to call my boss back, and I went from being generally depressed to outright panicked.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I know I'm not ready to go back to work; afraid that if I were to go back now, I'd have another breakdown before too long, but scared that if I don't go back soon, there won't be anywhere for me to go back to. So my heart started beating fast and my brain started to spin off....I just couldn't imagine making a decision.  I felt sick.  I had to take a Xanax and go to sleep so my brain wouldn't implode. My sense of perspective is way off.  Returning a phone call shouldn't paralyze me like this....