march 24th

not as anxious, worried......scared or blue today.

better in four categories is good.  better footing.

the swelling in my glands is way way up there.......that old feeling that my neck is wide enough to play wide receiver for the NFL.....I can see it's not, but it feels like a double wide trailor below my ears and above these shoulders.

better enough to make some food.  diced red potatoes and smashed them with my crazy hand held mixer.  i got it at Big Lots for a song and the only song it knows is insane fast........think it's powered by rocket fuel not just electricity.  the lowest speed is so fast that potato bits go EVERYWHERE.  i hit stop and put the mixing bowl in the deep sink to save myself an even bigger mess. 

the smashed taters are resting in the frig, the chicken breasts are still poaching.  i plan to shred the chicken, add my favorite bbq sauce......add some leftover corn later and have a nice feast for one in bed. 

i got fresh litter for the kitties, trash bagged up waiting for my land legs to return.......restocked cat food, toilet paper, a new thing of dishwasher gel........and did some sweeping.  it felt like overkill with the chores.......there is a significant amount of pain and fatigue but i felt like today was the day to up maneuvers here on the homefront.

whenever i get blue i go back to shows with characters like Sheriff Andy Taylor, Aunt Bea, Opie.......Deputy Fife......it seems to put my emos back on an even keel.  there is a sweetness, a lot of homespun and i like to see how they kept changing Andy's character in particular.  at the beginning he's an uber aw shucks geeee whizzz sort......says things to a newly married man like..."Give her a little kissie." which makes me wince.....it's a little too much even for an originally small town girl like me.

but he levels out in a way that i like.......and i gotta admit even though i liked seeing the town in color for a bit i prefer the black and white hands down.  childhood memories i think.....

i thought i had missed sara's birthday and it made me feel sick to my stomach.  i didn't, it's next week.....i have a card and that is all so far.  i think i should look at compassion intl or some other org to donate something in her honor......she recently made it clear that she doesn't want/need anything ......so ok, let's go another route.  and while i have a turkey in the freezer that needs to be cooked soon.....i may not be up to making a big meal like i'd like.  right now it sounds like a terrible idea to tell you the truth.....no desire to try to do much......maybe i will rally, maybe sam will comment on an idea in care of his sister.....maybe i shouldn't worry so much, it will come together if i send a message to her hubby and to sam.  right?  of course right...!

i'm giving the chicken a little more time.....i want it to break a part easily.....its' almost there.

annie is playing in the rays of the sun across the kitchen floor....rio just cried out like he is prone to doing.  just because.....he's a real talker that one!  it looks to be a gorgeous day out there.......all i want to do is feel that i can tidy up my bed.

here's the deal, the mattress pad comes off the two top corners regularly, this drives me nutso.  i have seen those kooky looking garter belt dealios in stores that promise to eliminate this problem but i can't lift the mattress high enough to get the garter belt dealios in place and hooked in.  there is probably another solution but i don't know what it is........not sleep in a bed comes to mind but i need the cush of a bed........the more cushiony the better.

so the mattress pad slips down, the pillowcase on the main pillow beneath my head gets all out of position, so i have to take it off and put it back on all the bleedin' time......the bedspread ends up on the floor more and more and more.  makes me wonder if i play the part of Lara Croft Tomb Raider in my sleep.  everything is all over the place.....and then there's the pillow department.  in addition to the four regular pillows, there are micro bead pillows to cushion my neck, legs, arms and so forth while in bed.  depending on nerve issues, neck issues, fibro electricity attacks.....and so forth these little pillows offer a lot of ease......and then finally there is one more pillow.  currently i'm using a micro suede teal rectangular shaped pillow to lean on as well........it's a lot of stuff when you consider that i also have a top & bottom sheet plus soft throws on top.  the throws are of differing weights depending on levels of cold or heat within this goofy intemperate bod.  currently i have three throws on top of the bedspread to make things better.

today i just look at it all and think whaaaaaat for?  but the truth is that it all serves a purpose for this achy breaky body. 

the chicken is done......nicely shredded with lovely bbq sauce simmered into the meat........yum. feel like a lucky duck. i must have dropped something good on the floor cause annie is having a lickathon with the floor tile........eeeck. hope it was chicken and not a bug. 

i'm out of steam for everything.  back to my room, a place i seem to live the majority of all of my time lately.  even after being up though i am ready to return, have lunch and then crash out like a good sick lucky duck.   love  you.  lots.