March 1st

Focus on school. It's kind of funny to think about that because I never felt like I could fully focus on what I should. I've always been distracted by managing by own mental (sometimes physical) ups and downs and by my parents. As well as my art, my growth, and a million other things I want to do. I realized that I can't seem to give too much of myself to one thing for too long. Instead I hop from thing to thing like a bug. Maybe it's boredom? It's the need to switch from thing to thing and difficulty committing to only one. 

I don't feel too good today. I've had trouble concentrating for the past couple days, my mind doesn't feel clear and it's hard to form a strong thought. Rushing studio work and attending class to getting criticsm and realizing I'm far off from done or the best I can do put me in a stress place. Analysis Paralysis. That and my parents in general put me in a bad, unresponsive mood for the evening. 

I was actually feeling very good yesterday. Very happy and with the beginnings of confidence forming. I had fun chatting with a friend late into the night and catching up. She said I'm always so fun to talk to and something bloomed in my heart. I felt optimistic and I said so, too. I'm not surprised my mood has turned so quickly. It's happened many times, though it took until lately to understand and accept that tendency. I see it as temporary. I feel I am a chaotic person by nature, in flitting from thing to thing, in my emotional slingshot that rebounds from highs to lows, how I shout when I'm excited and become an absolute giggling crackhead when I'm amused. Whenever my emotions suddenly rebound, I know that they can rebound back just as easily. The trick is accepting the natural flow of my emotions but also trying to work with them so I can still be productive and happy. Maybe in time I'll know how to regulate it and achieve some more stability. 

The trailer for Hu Tao came out today. The music was very fun, it reminded me of Cuphead music. Someone also pointed out that it sounds like Plants vs Zombies which I definitely agree with. If nothing else about this game I like the music and will probably listen to it down the line. The gameplay and it's scammy mobile game aspects leaves some things to be desired. I won't be trying for her.

My birthday is coming in two weeks. My dad's is in a week. My mom asked me what kind of cake I want, and I said mango mousse. I've been missing the taste and texture of it.