MANY A TEAR....

May 9:  Okay, so many tears this morning, Mother's Day.  I still feel like I let Scott down.......if only I had gone in when I heard the "funny" breath.....  Anyway, I made it through the day.
My day was rough but, I have to say, I had many blessings.  Craig and I went to Mom's for a bit.  I gave her a Hummingbird feeder...she did not have one.  Not a pricey gift but she seemed to be pleased.  I made up some food for it, too.  And, I got it hung up for her.  I am glad Mom is still here...she is still fighting her colon cancer battle but seems to be, for now, winning.
While I was at Mom's, my step-brother, from Texas, called.  I have not spoken to him in a couple of years.  So, that was nice.  Funny....not five minutes before he called, mom and I had been talking about him.
My sister, in Oklahoma, called earlier to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.  I have not seen her in about twenty years.  Hopefully we will change that this summer.
Adam and his girlfriend brought me a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers this evening.
Craig and I went out to eat and then to the cemetery.
Chris left me a message on Facebook and later called.  I was happy about that because he has been kind of mad at me.
So, all in all, it wasn't a horrible day.  But, I am seriously glad it is over!

Replies

Robin4
Robin4

It\'s so good when we can see the blessings a midst the sorrow. I think we have all shed many tears today and tomorrow hopefully the sun will shine and we can pull ourselves back up. Love and hugs. Robin
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am with you, glad it is over. I cryed a little today but yesterday I think I was so dreading the day I sobbed horribly. I try but it sure does not seem to be getting any easier. Bless you, Kay
BinkyH
BinkyH

Happy Belated Mother\' Day to you Ginger. I worked all day but my son did stop in at work to let me know he loves me! I appreciated it but had too many dogs to groom to talk to him for long. I find that I do best by working on those \"key dates\". Love you, B
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you had a pleasant day. I am glad it is over with. Hugs, Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you had some nice moments in your day love to you my friend
KandL
KandL

Hi Ginger,
I am glad you made it through Mother\'s Day. Don\'t let the what ifs haunt you. You loved Scott more than life itself & I have had to work through the what ifs too. The bottom line is all of us on this site would\'ve moved Heaven & Earth to save our children, but noone knows the future. He knows you loved & love him. I am glad its over too. It was bittersweet for me. Hugs & more hugs, Linda
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

It sounds as if it was a day perhaps like many of us experienced. Feeling the feelings and also trying to remain present to the blessings in the moment. I understand too as do all the moms here wondering about how we might have been able to change what happened to our precious children? I love how Linda expressed it and agree that they have to know how much they were loved and if there was anything we could have done we would have... Here\'s to a gentle day and week for each of us. Big hugs, Joanie
jfm24
jfm24

Hey You I totally agree about feeling you let Scott down I feel the same way about Justin everyone tells me it wasn\'t my fault it doesn\'t do any good.He was my son I should of protected him.I thought I was very close to him but he had a secret he didn\'t tell me.(DRUGS).I\'ll try to keep in touch more......:)
rcoco
rcoco

I am glad you had some good moments, as well as the inevitable sadness.
I sure hope you get to see your sis soon, 20 years is a long time.
I think that no matter how we lost our precious children, there will always be lingering doubts and \"what if\'s\"......hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user

That\'s all we can ask for some good moments some not so good Hugs Cathy
JaniceS
JaniceS

its weird that you had so much contact from those that have been \"far away\" for so long. maybe a few \"signs\" there? lots of love, jan. as for the guilt, i have it too. we should talk. honestly thought, G-d is in charge over life, not us. lots of love, jan x x x
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you had kind of a reunion with your siblings while at your mom\'s. I pray she will continue in \"winning\" her battle and be a miracle for you and your family. Have a peaceful and gentle week....love, dale..brandon\'s mom
biowoman
biowoman

Glad it was not a horrible day...love to you friend...Karen
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Glad to hear you connected with so many family members yesterday.

Love and hugs ~ Debbie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Glad things went smoothly on Mothers day & you talked to family & was with your Mother. I took flowers to my Mother at the cemetery on friday. Was with my daughter & grandkids yesterday.