managing my energies

yet again I find myself struggling, my energies need paying attention to. It's like some communication between body and mind

in me isn't second nature and I have to adjust my mind and body to a kind of reckoning to find peace.

I feel better when I am in the flow of work, I have outbursts at times that I kind of talk to myself to get through when at work, but right now in the peacefulness of home I have this weird inner conflict that I need to reconcile, to appease

or just make sense of. Sorry for the journal posts. They must be boring but here it is.

When I went to work this morning, I was feeling very selfish and yet I know that I just needed to get to work after clocking in. I felt the tug of being selfish as I first worked - feeling only about my own feelings and this self consciousnes made me think that I need to think about the others and do a job well done. I don't know if I am giving my experience a just or decent representation but I realized in some way the difference that we all have to deal with - of coping with our personal feelings but also being amongst others and thinking about them and that gave me a respect for everyone at work - and my attitude adjusted and I felt strengthened and inspired to do a job well done and be thoughtful of others. I really noticed today how we have our own personal lives and inner lives - and yet we have to come together and understand each other. It was a nice thought - and it was inspiring. As the day wore on, I thought about some other things. Then when I came home I came across this quote:

“Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.” The inherent dilemma of all social animals is the tension between balancing two obligations — the ones we we have to ourselves, and those we have to others.

It really rang true. In so many ways I have been thinking about that pull to be selfish and the pull to be social. 

So reading this really fit the bill. That's all for now. :)  Peace, Mark