MAKING PROGRESS!
June 12, 2009: Okay...another day of progress...I actually got down on my knees and scrubbed all the ick under the old vent cover and vacuumed the vent, before I put the new one on. I am, however, ashamed of the ICK! I cannot believe that I let it go that long! I am a very, or I thought, clean person. I guess I just really haven't noticed much the past two years. Well, I am noticing now! That has to be progress. And, Windex makes this wonderful cleaner for outdoor windows! You just attach the bottle to your hose and wash your windows. I have had this bottle two years! I used it today. WooHoo. Now....if I can just get to the inside..... I found a long lost cousin, on Facebook. I am very excited. I lost, in my childhood, so much of my Dad's side of the family. I have been, for the past several years, been trying to re-connect with them. It seems, as I age, and have lost a son, family is more important to me than ever. I mean, they always were. But, it has never been more clear how quickly we lose people. My living children need to know of these people! They are a part of my past and Chris and Adam's present/future. I am, as of two days ago, the great Aunt of a boy. His name is Rory. He was one month early and very small....4 lbs 8 oz. But, he is doing VERY well. I am not close to my sister. (half) I am not really close with my nephew. However, I do believe in family. And, I am so glad Mom and baby are doing well! Mom had to have a C-Section. I will probably see this baby once, maybe twice, in the next two years. That is okay. He is a blessing. Not much else went on today...Cleaning ICK and windows was enough! Craig and I did cook out and had a nice meal. Maybe tomorrow I will finally fold the socks and underwear! I really hate that load! It is so tedious! When my boys were small I actually numbered and initialed their socks so it would be easier! And, it was! I don't mind washing and drying....I really hate folding and putting away....that is a lot like work! So.....normal things....fairly normal day. Why is it that I still don't feel "normal?"
Replies
Yay for normal! You ARE doing good and it IS progress...love to you...Karen
I think \"normal\" has been redefined for all of us. The most difficult hurdle on this mine field of emotion has been the isolation I still feel at the end of the day. Each of us holds this devastating reality close to the vest, sure the sun rises and sets, the earth still spins on its\' axis, but my universe has been forever damaged and saddened. I am doing my level best to not judge myself for the change I feel. I am just feeling, a rollercoaster for sure, but so vital to the healing and peace I pray for every day. Sometimes the most mundane chores bring about a shift in focus, there is a zen-like satisfaction with a job well done. So attack that ick with a vengence, it seems that everything we do is a step closer to coming to terms with the worst loss. Our grief will change form over time, that is the law of the universe, nothing remains constant.
My favorite quote about loss is this, \"Life is for the living, the light is for later\".
I try so hard to integrate that truth, but somedays I fall woefully short of that goal. Keep plugging away, at least your house will thank you! hugs
Sounds like you are getting back into a groove and I definitely think it\'s great progress. Now send me some of your ambition (lol). Love Robin
LOL about the socks. When my boys were kids, I would use a Sharpie and put their initials on their socks. Also, they both loved yogurt so much and would fight over them, so I would buy equal amounts for them each and put initials on them too. I wish I had a home to stay busy with!
Hugs, Belinda
Yahoo for \"normal\" you are making headway and quickly now. Would you like t try that outside windex on my windows they only have three years of dirt on them. Lol Love and hugs Cathy
Because you don\'t feel the old normal and you never will. We are at a new normal and it takes some getting used to. Good job on getting some stuff done! It feels good to get the deep cleaning done, doesn\'t it? Julia