making peace with the way I am in the world

Last time I spoke with my therapist "Dr. S", she said she noticed about me that

I am kind of META in the way I am in the world. The observation stuck with me -

she said "lots of times philosophers and artists literally live this way, and there's a reason for it."

Last night and this morning I was struggling with quixotical reactions to the work I had at hand

but I knew this time, though I have done this before, I would NOT call out to work. There was a mix

of survival determination within me to keep on keeping on with work and how I would relate to what

I had to do. 

The drive to work was difficult but then I somehow grasped on to 'the way I am in the world idea' - it took

a different form but I carried it to work with me...I got to work and was determined to do my job - and yet also

be open to socializing with my coworkers. The mix that was 'in that soup' was that so often we meet each other

not in a sparkling way - but rather like a "yeah, we're fucking here" lol. But I decided to keep on with my charge to do the work and foment positivity.

Work went well. It was such a speedy, good time and my inclination to start to have those weird pestering thoughts

I decided to counter with a "remember this is how you are in the world." The thought deactivated those thoughts of discomfort...and I realized I was "making peace with the way I am in the world."

I just felt not so threatened or scared by my hard, intense feelings.

I left work and drove home. Driving home usually instigates lots of upset and self talk - but today I was able

to put myself at ease...the way I am in the world when I drive I thought and that disengaged me from feeling so out

of control but rather comforted a little by my understanding for my frame of mind.

So now I am home for a while. Did a couple of errands and now enjoying some time alone. Blue is complaining

so better run after him but I feel like (and this is something I discussed with someone else here) that my expectations

for myself might be eased and made more fair to myself by an understanding of what my temperment is. 

I think it's maybe human nature to think 'sky's the limit' in terms of what we can achieve because we want to...and aim to. But I think to be fair to ourselves, and I'm not giving up, just maybe now I'm a little more informed
about what to expect and how to take care of myself. I'd say that indeed is making peace with myself in the world 

for the moment.

My friend wrote: The Dalai Lama said "I aim for the moon. I know I won't get there but at least I'll be heading in the right direction".

Peace guys! Happy Thursday and weekend ahead!!