making a list....baking and other signs of life in the south
as i climb the old oak tree i don't ask why. or how........i just climb. as easily as a squirrel... i climb up, high and far away from this room where i feel lost.
surveying the world of limbs and branches......of sky and cloud, of life and leaves........i hear the sweet refrain of the violin. i perch and drink in the lyrical sounds. beautiful, serene......my bones, decades of time on this round ball do not deter me or frighten me for today i can.
i'm possible. not impossible.
the sky grows gray.......i search the horizon and wonder.......was i really the girl who tap danced? who spun a baton high in the air......who stood on a stage long long ago and sang, "sometimes i feel like a motherless child."
that song made me weep then and it makes me weep still......no child should feel so alone. so adrift.......but i hung on. i hung on to chores...as though tidying this planet could keep me safe. sane.....ok. so young to carry so much on one pair of skinny shoulders......how did i survive? how do so many survive the hidden lies and unspoken truths. how many survive despite being unprotected? cherished......the love of those who provide sanctuary and still the nights of terror. images the child, this child strives to burn.....to see the ashes of loss as a reality. to say this can't hurt me anymore. this can't come for me or after me.....not at night, not in the brightest and clearest of days.
be formidable. be a fortress. be a best friend always to yourself. don't let go of the best of you and permit yourself to lose all those splinters of pain from long ago. a wounded lion was saved from duress by the tiny mouse. never underestimate the mouse in you.
you're alright. if you fall it's ok, if you get lost sometimes, it's ok........you can finally reach up and allow others to pick you up, here the others have become friends. kind souls in care of each other.
our perch has morphed into a treehouse......Peter Pan would be proud, astonished........just as we are now. High above the forest.....the treetops lob the final leaves back and forth volleying in playful lightheartedness.
the quiches are almost done......one is bacon, spinach, cheese, roma tomatoes, eggs. the other is sausage, cheese, spinach, eggs.....they look delicious, the scent wafts through the air.......giving this girl tummy rumblies. thank you Winnie the Pooh for sharing that you have rumblies in your tumbly.......
the quiche are resting, slid the sugar cookies in......hope to be able to drive over to Sam's work and deliver half of this goodness.
my to do list:
make an appt to get help with left hip
go through Christmas decor and find donatable wrapping paper and anything fun
get toys for families in need soon, deadline is December 15th, our town is adopting 17 families that without help will have no toys Christmas morn. time to be a Santa.......a girl power Santa!
get some links taken out of my watch, it's too big.
get the Christmas angel out from under the bed.....Sara got me this wooden wall hanging of an angel when she was little. her dad said she insisted on carrying it from the store all through the mall, she was so proud to find just the right thing for her momma. sweet girl......
later you!
it's raining, when did that start? i just dug out the sparkly sugars from the magic cupboard......Please Lord, please if you don't mind, will you help me drive to Sam's work and back?
Replies
Time so often feels like an illusion doesn't it. So many years of our life have passed like the blinking of an eyelid. Clear memories and fading memories and just so much completely forgotten altogether. Like many little lives in one life. Pages of our book turning over too quickly. Loved ones gone but still so loved and time does not erase the pain of separation. We just learn to carry that pain like soldiers in war. We are still children at heart residing in these strange aging vessels. Timeless souls in a temporary life. Not our original abode. What a crazy ride hey. We sure can't get through alone. Here we are on just one little planet, in one solar system, in one universe. We most certainly cannot comprehend the vastness of it all. Beyond our little human brain. We are certainly small and limited and obviously not in control. At the mercy of God for sure.
I'm in bed crashed. The aircon is on...such a luxury. The humidity is ferocious outside. Rain is so desirable. An old friend from long ago just phoned and invited me for coffee with another friend also. She is visiting the north for one week. I thanked her for inviting me but said I was in bed ill. She replied.. still ? I cried when I put my phone down. Another day I may have been able to go. How lovely.....just a girl's outing .
You're a good santa Ruthie. Kind hearted by nature. A good soul always. It's a sad thought that so many kids are led to believe that santa didn't come because they weren't good. That brainwashing in society needs to be recognized and erased. Children in poverty are hurt by it.
Hope you made it to Sams with your special tucker treats. I loved hearing about Sara and your Christmas angel. How sweet. There are always some little lifetime treasures that can never be given up..
I used to sing that song too. I had forgotten about it until you mentioned it. I just sang it here on the bed with some forgotten words. Hits the heart.
Not much happening here. Just me and my bed today. Trying to accept...for the millionth time. I do feel like a wounded lion. Need to find that mighty mouse. Must be hiding under my bed
Better go....like roll over...big gym workout for me lol! Love you Ruthie blue eyes from Georgia.