Make It OR Break It

Ok....whooosahhhh.....this weekend is so important that I feel like hyperventilating.
 
We are going on a mini vacation.   Sort of.  We have to travel to the massive city about three hours away because my SO has an appointment on Monday with the transplant clinic.  For those unaware he has had a kidney transplant.
 
So we decided to go up tomorrow, and make a weekend of it.  We usually do on his annual checkups and at least three other long weekends of the year.  We both have family up there, but this time it's about us.  Our little family and our survival as a couple
 
I told him tonight that this weekend was the make or break point for me.  I told him I didn't like being treated like his 'bud' and if that's what he wanted me to be then he best tell me such.  We talked about how he seems to think all is well....and he still wouldn't admit there was a problem, but he didn't deny it for once either!
 
If this weekend is a bust.  If we fight the whole time, if we are bitter, if there is no sex(I know TMI) and if there is no hand holding, and affection, then when we get back Monday night I start the phone calls to get myself a place, a bank account that's seperate, a job, all the fun stuff.  And I will be taking our daughter.
 
I told him that I didn't want to live like this.  And he shouldn't either.  His kidney is half past it's life expectency, and he would have to go back on dialysis and undergo another transplant if it fails.  I asked him if he wanted to wake up one day and realize that I was gone, or realize that he had worked his ass off to save our love.  We have such short lives.  Sometimes I feel like I am wasting it away with day to day survival.
 
I want to be in a realtionship with passion, love, something that makes my heart skip a beat at least once a day.  I know, some of that isn't realistic.  But whatever, I want what I want.
 
So, come Monday I will either be single...or I will take back the promise ring.  Not the engagement ring yet.  If this weekend goes smoothly I am going to look into couples counselling.  Then we will see what the future holds...
 
Wish me(us) luck!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, good luck this weekend. Hopefully the two of you can move your relationship in a healthy direction. I\'m sorry you\'re dealing with someone who seems to have a fear of commitment... not a good place to be with a baby. Do what\'s best for the two of you... you and the baby. Keep us posted on what happens.
Good luck!