make a life 'in this world'

I've been up since early, though I don't have work today.

I got up, showered and dressed and then went for a chai latte.

I threw my back out yesterday (right before my 4 day weekend...murphy's law lol).

When I got home, I kicked off my shoes and turned on the tv, watching it with Blue

on the bed.

I got a great email from my therapist (she's super kind for letting me communicate like that.)

Regarding what I had mentioned to her in the email and then getting a nice response....

it was all about making my life.. moving forward...thoughtfully and carefully.
So much of my life has been stunted with the stumbling block for creating my own way in life

and even being able to conceive or even believe I can conceive of it...

One therapist, a long time ago, remarked 'you need a whole world.'

Well in fact my need for a comprehensive vision within myself in order to make

my way forward is the issue, I am seeing. I can't conceive of my own world of life (in a protective bubble)

without also considering

the world outside of me...make sense? I have to make a life in 'this world' - in partnership with it -

and all it's dynamic and qualities. That epiphany is giving me the sense and ability to move

forward...one step at a time. The pressures of my 'relationship dynamics' in the past

may have required total subjugation - forcing me to live as if in the collective unconscious - 

but now I feel the ability to meld the worlds - span the interior and exterior worlds I live in..deal with the pain

...neither world being hermetically sealed. It's like I was looking for a perfect construct before charging forward

and now it's good to know...it's not that way.