major epiphany
so much was taught from my very young youth
i had to have 'the right answer' at a lickety split moment.
tonight I was sitting in the celebration dinner of a parishioner who
past. There was part of me that had and felt intense pressure
to be in touch with what everyone was feeling. I felt unable to connect and I felt disliked - but I also felt
the self compassion learned in recent days to try and just be ok
with myself - this event was not about me - and so I tried to just chill
and let it all pass even though I was feeling intensity and anxiety.
I also realized the real importance to invest emotionally with these
people 'as this is my life' passing by - I may feel the pressure to be someone
else with my family - but the bringing myself down to earth there tonight and loving
these people - was something truly amazing. I was identified with the
poingnancy of my own life.
I suddenly realized that maybe not everyone feels the same way or
processes the same way. After all - we're all unique beings.
The thought gave me a great sense of relief. I started to dial through
conversations I had with different people here at the monastery
and I could see what was right for some was not right for others.
My godson told me he tries to get rid of his feelings as soon as they happen.
Some here explain them through religious reference. THe Abbess
lives very much the life of the mind in her ways.
Just really fascinating and poignant.
Replies
standing ovation from the southern great plains, markus questionarius. that is quite the epitome you have rolling here.
may it lead you to serenity and wisdom.
be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.
Thanks Arfie!!
It really is true that we each process things differently and maybe can only process things according to our individual abilities. Rather than feel righteous or proud, people need our compassion and to be met at their access point or level or capability
Dignity to all!
Here's to the open word of compassion being shared and respected - you're rocking the adventure of life and spirit!
maybe my intrusive thoughts and painful jolts had something to do with self motivating myself
within a buried mind? Maybe also it was about hurting myself before anyone could hurt me?
As a way of carrying with me -or predicting the society in the sense of the world that I knew - in a world of unknowns?
it's hard to make sense of that - it just was the world that I knew that I seemed to be surmounting.
I have started to think about whether I am happy with the way I am spending my time
and the way my days are passing. Journaling here at the monastery.
When I was younger I was always in a bad mood. People would tell me to "Please yourself"
and I couldn't. Now I think "Why am I being so hard on myself ?"I am starting to question
My mother's relationship to form and aesthetics - is coming to mind too. - we've all gotta deal with
it but then those bad habits can sometimes be passed down and amplified
I watched a lot of tv alone growing up. It was my company. Maybe there is a degree of wanting to
see my life unfold smoothly like an edited tv show.? It's an unconscious habit - and not good
whenever I asserted myself people were blown away like it was not ok - when growing up.
I see my own sense of reaction to things too that developed that unconsciously responded to
people who aspired and made bold moves beyond the expected aesthetics as
something to really look at with a 'blown away.' - again it was passed down the way I dealt with aesthetics.
The more you expose those memories, the better you are finding your path to healing and to sense of balance. TV is technology, so it makes sense what you are sharing, about edited information.
things are good. Thanks so much Mid! Have a superb awesome day!
Keep on rocking it!
i'm a big fan of the neuroplasticity theories which allow for physical changes in one's mind. within those theories, the distance it takes to change one's mind is around one millionth of a meter wide. even if the mindsets of the royal we are nearly identical, a millionth of a meter can make a majestic diff.
i still can't clearly enunciate the results of those meditations, or even the theories fueling them, but the resulting belief has me saying more and more often, "hey, it's not my job to understand you. my job is to love you until you understand yourself."
forge those new neural pathways, my friend.
…….mwaaaah!
I’ve realized I go to The pub as it is a place where it’s community oriented and permissible to indulge. Warm and unpretentious and traditional Brit
I have so been controlled by social standards, I have so been that , when there were things that told me I could not have certain things and there were iso many things were forbidden I always asked why because ultimately I was not allowed any
It’s time to go for what I want and i tend to assess
Social truth rather than fiscal realities
My dad has a clarity and strength about life that I do not possess
I find that I am constantly thinking about what I am not rather than what I am
There’s power and acceptance for my life in that
Statement - in that I know there are things I need to accept about myself
rather than lose my way in a kind of wanting a pretty picture that is ultimately detrimental
to my mental health
You can accept and love about yourself
You are a kind and caring person
I think questioning societal standards is a good thing at times
Big squishy hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet!!!