Made it through first Angel day
Did fairly well , had bad days all week. Just can't believe at times that it is real. Strange things bother me. such as I can't remember much of the wake and not too much of the funeral. Guess it was shock.
This Wednesday night and Thursday I was very nervous, jumpy, and agitated, finally yesterday , I took and ativan and rested so that helped. Spent time with
Miriam my daughter today and that helps too. Put rose metals on Karina's grave . The rose came from my back door , the door she used and the door they took her from. I have a little memorial garden there, hope to make it much better
in time. I thank all for thoughts, hugs, love and prayers.
I have a new friend and today is her sons angel day. He passed 8 years ago for leukemia at age 13 and he had it for over 7 years. we are spending some time together this evening. We have become close, I am waiting for when the good memories won't hurt so much.
This Wednesday night and Thursday I was very nervous, jumpy, and agitated, finally yesterday , I took and ativan and rested so that helped. Spent time with
Miriam my daughter today and that helps too. Put rose metals on Karina's grave . The rose came from my back door , the door she used and the door they took her from. I have a little memorial garden there, hope to make it much better
in time. I thank all for thoughts, hugs, love and prayers.
I have a new friend and today is her sons angel day. He passed 8 years ago for leukemia at age 13 and he had it for over 7 years. we are spending some time together this evening. We have become close, I am waiting for when the good memories won't hurt so much.
Replies
That first angel day is so very hard. And, yes, once our minds begin to come back together, we do find that strange things bother us and realize that we have no clue about events in the first several months and that is okay ~ in fact, it is a blessing ~ it enabled us to make it through the initial pain.
And now that the numbness and denial are fading, the sadness and pain may feel even more intense for awhile. But you have made it to this point and will keep climbing that steep and torturous path to more and more freedom and light. At times it may feel like you will be slipping back but your soul will simply be resting on the plateau until you are ready to keep going. And we will always be here to hold your hand and encourage you on.
You and Miriam honored Karina with simplicity, dignity and grace with the memorial garden and rose petals on her grave. A lovely and comforting image, for sure.
I hope that you and your friend have a time of comfort and peace together this evening.
Sending much love and big tight hugs ~ Debbie
I remember counting the months until Jenn\'s first angel day, now I am counting years...
There is much I don\'t remember, exactly who was at Jenn\'s viewing, and the words spoken at her funeral, but I do remember the pain, the numbness too.
Hugs to you and your friend on these difficult days...
MaryLou
The first angel day is so hard. Spending it with loved ones helps so much..Is your new mom friend here on ds? if not . please invite her.((hugs))
I feel your pain. literally. This morning I was thinking \"It\'s not a YEAR, it\'s 14 months\" - this makes it seem so much shorter a time. I think it takes a few years of hard work and prayer, lots of prayer, to take this horror away and leave peace in its place. God bless you.
jill
I know what you mean about some little things that can bother you so much. I couldn\'t remember the details of a tattoo that Jason had done on his shoulder. It was a special symbol that him and his brother made up to represent their brotherhood. It bothered me so much that I couldn\'t remember the details of it. I was lucky because I told Jim it was bothering me and he drew it for me. Somehow that brought me closer to Jason. It\'s silly I know -- but it\'s one of the things that made Jason who he was and I don\'t want to forget any detail of it.
Dear Cheryl we understand how the good memories hurt. I don\'t know when they stop hurting or if they ever do.
Love to you and your family and especially to Karina. Have a peace filled love filled mother\'s day.
Terry
Those first can bring us to our knee\'s for sure....but you made it through, and that\'s what matters. I don\'t remember much about Kala\'s service either, yes, I\'m sure it\'s because of the shock....sort of a cushion for us in the very beginning I suppose. You honor Karina well my friend and I know she is proud of you and Miriam and appreciative of the lovely gift of rose pedals. I\'m glad you have a new friend and I send peace and love to her as well and am happy you and she were able to get together last night. I\'m sure it was comforting for both of you. Gentle hugs to you my friend as we get through Mothers Day~~Teri.
I am so glad that you did okay on that first angel day. I am sure it is hard to believe that it has been year...and other ways it probably feels like forever...but you survived...continue to take it easy on your self...
These first anniversarys are devastating. Mine was yesterday. I never thought I would make it this far and here I am. Still Crying, still hurting, still asking why and if\'s or I should have. That will never leave me but I know that I made it this far thanks to all of you so we keep on going. Much Love to you. Gail
Your journal entry was insightful and thank you for sharing. I am always praying for you.
Hugs & God Bless,
Judy