Made it through another day without you, Jeff
Jeff,
Today I feel like writing this to you. Well Baby, I have made it through another day. Some days drag by and some pass so quickly. I can't believe that it has been a month and 13 days since I lost you. Some days I want the time to hurry and pass so that it will be months, years, decades, and hopefully this pain will begin to fade. But then I am afraid that the memories will fade too. And I don't want to forget your smile or the dimples that I loved to tease you about. Or your kiss and hugs. Or even the way you tried to act so strict and hard, but we all knew you were just a big softy.
Today I have started getting my office back together. Since you died I have been just dropping things on the desk or chair and shutting the door. I don't want to spend my time in there without you. I need you to stand behind my chair and rub my shoulders when I was stressed and tell me I'm doing an amazing job and you couldn't do it. You always told me how proud you were of me getting this business started and on the way. I want to make you proud and show you that the dreams we had to help others will still be acheived. My promise to you and myself is that February will be the month I return to living. ( well as much as I can.)
This weekend I am driving our Youth Group to another midwinter retreat in Garden City, Kansas. The kids miss you so much. I still haven't returned to attending church services, but I think the kids have helped me so much. I know our boys have needed these kids to help them. They love you baby. I know this weekend will bring a lot of emotions to us all as we bring our hearts to God. And I know you will be with us all.
Well, I am going to try to get to sleep. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on yourside of the bed. I hope someday I can do that. But not yet. I am still searching for you in my dreams. I hope you can come to me someday and let me know that you are with me. I know that if you don't come to me in my dreams, I will see you again someday when God calls me home.
Good night Jeff. I love you MOST!
Liz
Today I feel like writing this to you. Well Baby, I have made it through another day. Some days drag by and some pass so quickly. I can't believe that it has been a month and 13 days since I lost you. Some days I want the time to hurry and pass so that it will be months, years, decades, and hopefully this pain will begin to fade. But then I am afraid that the memories will fade too. And I don't want to forget your smile or the dimples that I loved to tease you about. Or your kiss and hugs. Or even the way you tried to act so strict and hard, but we all knew you were just a big softy.
Today I have started getting my office back together. Since you died I have been just dropping things on the desk or chair and shutting the door. I don't want to spend my time in there without you. I need you to stand behind my chair and rub my shoulders when I was stressed and tell me I'm doing an amazing job and you couldn't do it. You always told me how proud you were of me getting this business started and on the way. I want to make you proud and show you that the dreams we had to help others will still be acheived. My promise to you and myself is that February will be the month I return to living. ( well as much as I can.)
This weekend I am driving our Youth Group to another midwinter retreat in Garden City, Kansas. The kids miss you so much. I still haven't returned to attending church services, but I think the kids have helped me so much. I know our boys have needed these kids to help them. They love you baby. I know this weekend will bring a lot of emotions to us all as we bring our hearts to God. And I know you will be with us all.
Well, I am going to try to get to sleep. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on yourside of the bed. I hope someday I can do that. But not yet. I am still searching for you in my dreams. I hope you can come to me someday and let me know that you are with me. I know that if you don't come to me in my dreams, I will see you again someday when God calls me home.
Good night Jeff. I love you MOST!
Liz
Replies
I am also waiting to see Taki in my dreams. I hope they can come to us and let us know they are watching over us. What a blessing that would be. Good luck with your retreat. Hugs, Dawn
Dawn, I am reading a book now called Sacred Promise that is actually written by a scientist who has done controlled experiments to show that our loved ones can communicate and still be a part of our lives if we are open to it. It brings alot to think about and be hopeful for. I also read a book called Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis who wrote it after his wife died. It was very moving and helpful too. If you like to ready they are great books!
Today is 18 months and I\'ve only had 2 or 3 dreams about my Marti. Hoping you have many more and that I will too. Hang in there. Hugs, Kip.
Thank you for the book ideas. I love to read. I will look for them. Thanks, Dawn