made it out and back...home sweet home.

I drove over to Wal-Mart......kitty food, cat litter......floss.  You know, stuff that runs out.  Also got some light brown sugar and other things.......ended up getting more than I planned.  Once again the list was magnetically attached to the frig........not a whole lot of help.  Felt rough, but also felt the need to get out of this house. 

Rode behind a poky old truck going 25 in a 45 zone on the way there.  I try to lay back when the car in front of me is not a happy making machine. In the old days I would call them names like stupid jack......idiot jill.  Things that kept me out of the cursing zone......while raising little impressionable always listening ears.  I would often plead with Jack and/or Jill to get an education.  Understand the need for traveling in the slow lane.......and yeah, sometimes I would just get plain old mad.  And tell 'em off.......but now that I am dealing with brain fog and the desire to be as careful and smart at making low risk decisions........now I hit the brake.  Talk myself into leaning way back.....to allow a lot more room between me and the poky stupid idiotic offender.  But seriously 25 on a 45 mph hour two lane dry paved road.....can be hard to take.  I told Jesus to take the wheel alnd could he maybe bonk them on the head with it??? I know, landed myself on the naughty mat again.........the wall of shame features my sorry old picture.  Can't be perfect even part of the time........will I ever truly grow up?

At check out I was struggling to get stuff out of the cart.  The kitty food in particular.  I bought 30 cans of food sitting on a cardboard tray of sorts......when I got it from the pet food aisle a young stock clerk put it in my cart for me......and added a 25 pound bag of litter.  He was kind and didn't mind helping me out.......a good day to notice kindness I thought.....to appreciate those who have a spirit of service in care of others.

Now as I struggled to unload my cart two young ladies walked over and offered to unload and then load my cart back with packages.  The check out lady was also a white haired elderly type....like me.  Between the two of us I suppose we looked a bit overburdened.  I told the young women that I had asked God for an angel today and He had sent me TWO ANGELS......I noticed their eyes widen.....and thought they were kind enough to help, but there was a shutter between them and my reference to God and angels.  Maybe I do come off as a corny old  hokey lady......maybe, but I still think kindness should be recognised and appreciated.  And its not all bad to bring God into the forefront every now and again.  I don't wanna push faith at or on anyone.  We .......our universe is one built on free will.  We have the right to choose.  I won't lie though, I would love to see everyone I love again in Heaven........what a party that will be! 

The lady, Nancy......sorry she was the elderly clerk.....offered to help me put my purchases in my trunk. We both had to visit the ladies room first......and then she headed to the Subway Shop in the store......and forgot her offer.  I've met her before, she seems to have some senioritis like so many of us do......she's not intentionally thoughtless, she just forgot that quick.  How many times has that happened to us?  ......so so many.

A moment for us to be compassionate.  I said a quick prayer for Nancy......and rode my cart to the parking lot.  A gentleman followed me to my car.....said he needed the cart.  I laughed and said I got my cart the same way......by following a shopper to their car.  He promptly put my bags in the trunk......and then he shared that he was on a mission to buy RIBS......he's cooking for a family get together.  And I thought, I wish I had a family get together this week end........did i tell you that I thought LAST weekend was Labor Day week end?  This confusion is not super fun......but now I have moved my calendar from August to September.  YAY.

So I have a question......what do y'all know about the proposed plan to rename CFS/ME to SEID? 

SYSTEMIC EXERTION INTOLERANCE DISEASE.

While it sounds much more serious than chronic fatigue syndrome.......which I fully appreciate I am having a hard time remembering the words within the acronym and I'm not sure how to pronounce the acronym.  Phonetically I mean.....seed or said or long a as in sade rhymes with shade?  I have written it on a sticky note by my main exit at home in an attempt to practice remembering the words without stumbling or forgetting.........good luck kid.  gooooooood luck.  But again what do you think of this name for our condition......does it make sense to you, do you feel it covers the bases or should it be something shorter and more scientific sounding.  Myalgic Encephalomyelitis sounds very serious, but I am not certain that I truly have ME.....as I suppose I think ME means a more serious less able version of this disease.......I don't know if anyone has the energy to weigh in on this........and I suppose I should pose this on the CFS/ME board......but for now I'll toss it out here and see what y'all think. 

Why does the font size keep changing?  It's so freaky..  Y'all have mentioned having to deal with uber tiny lettering.......I haven't faced that yet, I see a size 12 font as I type and then when I hit publish the font jumps to an 18 or 20.......crazy big.......do you see big letters or itsy bitsy spider letters as you read this?

Sorry for posting two journals in one day.......just felt the need after being so wonky all week.  It helps me to do this.......whether you read it or not, it helps me to write.  I feel better seeing that I am doing things in care of self......that I am not as zonked as I was Monday Tuesdsay Wednesday Thursday and the first half of today.  Those down days are primarily lost days.  But eventually we are able to come back to ourselves in a variety of ways......I feel the need to attend a family reunion.....wish I had family close by ......did y'all have family reunions growing up?  We sure did.......my Dad had lots of siblings. We met every spring at a park in Belle Plaine, Iowa.

Everyone brought their specialties.......fried chicken cooked in Crisco, lots of salads and sandwiches and the desserts.........yowzer.  As much as I talk about food you might wonder if I am having a romance with food........it's not really that, it's that so much of the family memories revolve around food.  Every get together meant pot luck or casseroles or someone's special home made candy.  My Aunt Esther taught all of her girls to make the most delicious candy.  The chocolates, the homemade fudge, the creamy fluffy divinity......everything from popcorn balls to delicious mints in the shapes of leaves.  OK, now I want dessert.........please.  I'll beg if it helps.......

I'm really not hungry, I had a wonderful dinner around 5.  Yup, I tend to eat now like the early bird special eaters at Denny's........anywhere from 4:30 to six pm.  When i eat later I find that I tend to think I get hungrier one more time.  I don't understand it either......sort of like how a person will eat Chinese take out, feel stuffed and then find the need to graze a couple of hours later.  What causes that?

Time to find a movie, fill my meds cases.......brush my teethies......try not to brood.  Hold off on the thought that I should vacuum tonight before I go to bed.  RESIST THIS THOUGHT.....it's hard being a tidy miss with illness that knocks you on your keister for cleaning.  .........Thank the good Lord that my eyes are not as sharp so I can't see the dirt like I used to..........this is something I am truly (not even a little bit kidding) about......it helps me be less intense about being so tidy. 

TIme to say goodnight.......so good night, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite........see ya later alligator.....see ya round like a donut........g'night You ...g'night Moon.