Made a Mistake At Work

I saw my psychiatrist today and he said it's not good for my blood level of Depakote to be so high, so he's taking me down a bit. I'm worried the mood swings are going to resume, but that's something that has to be seen. I do have work keeping me in line now... Today I didn't want to go to work but I did anyway and I felt better. I knew I would, but I had to force myself. I got talked to by my bosses because I didn't respect what someone said, but they said I wasn't in trouble. I sure felt like I was in trouble, though.... I don't like making mistakes, and I didn't mean to step on the woman's toes. I just hope I can make sure everything is okay from now on. It was a person I spoke with on the phone and I don't have her number, so the next time I call her I will try and remember to apologize to her. I thought that she said she could do more as long as she kept answering the phones, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't mean anything bad, I was just trying to do my job.
That stressed me out a bit... I didn't like that I had defend my actions so soon into coming into Managed Care, but my bosses there said I was doing an exceptional job and they didn't want me anywhere else. It's going to bug me for a while, knowing I made a mistake. It was an honest mistake, though, so I shouldn't beat myself up too hard for it. I guess I pushed her too hard, being too assertive.
Speaking of being assertive, my therapist and I talked about being assertive today. She said I need to get more assertive with Geo about the things that bug me, but do it in a non-offensive manner. She gave me a handout on the A-B-C's of being assertive, what you do when you need to tell someone something but don't know how to say it properly. She had me write it out so when the time comes I can just practice reading off the paper and then tell Geo straight (without the paper of course). She said it's hardest being assertive with those we love and care about, since we don't want to get into a fight. But if you do it the right way, you can avoid that. I guess I will try it out and let her know how it went. I know she is just as concerned with Geo's soda drinking as I am, and wants me to assert myself and tell him he needs to stop.
I think the thought of being assertive is what made me feel bad earlier today. When I was waiting for the bus to go to work I didn't feel well and just wanted to go home and lie down. If the bus had been earlier, I might have just done that. Instead, I ended up transferring buses to the bus that goes to the clinic since that was the one going closest to my home. I stayed at the clinic, where they were glad to have me for the time they had me. I think I dealt with the conflict at work well, considering I wasn't feeling well at the time... I didn't break down crying or anything, I just stayed humble. I didn't argue it at all, I just said I misunderstood her and that was it. I just don't want to get into a fight with Geo, so I don't want to be assertive. The thought of it scares me, so that made me feel worse earlier. I did get him soda today, but I couldn't get him anything else since I had to go to work. I wanted to get him chocolate milk, but it would have gone bad by the time I got home.
I have my long day at work tomorrow, and then I have to go grocery shopping on Saturday. Geo is supposed to be able to borrow the car, so he and I should be able to get whatever we need. I'm going to try again for a 5k on Sunday, since that's my next chance to do one. My therapist is liking that I'm doing the 5k's as well. I'm trying hard to get out there and exercise and do good for my body, even if I'm not feeding it enough to deal with everything.
Speaking of food, today I did get my calories in. Whenever I go to therapy, I go to Subway and get a sub, and that makes me get my calories in. I love the subs there, and I pile on the veggies. Today I got the Chicken Marinara sub with extra spinach and veggies. I also had my regular chicken for breakfast and dinner and coffee and tea. Stress I talked about above... I was stressed because of the meeting my bosses had with me, but they said they would still recommend me for the open job. I think they both honestly don't think it was a big deal, but I don't want to make the mistake again. Sleep was good last night, but I didn't get enough. I'm going to try going to bed early tonight to make sure I get my sleep for work tomorrow. Mood was good, despite all that happened today. I'm finding it easier to look on the bright side of life!

Replies

good2go2001
good2go2001

Sounds like you had a good appt with your therapist. She has a point about the being assertive with Geo on things that bug you. I think maybe try to put it in as non threatening of wording as possible... like make sure he gets the point that you are only saying something about the soda because you love him and dont want him to have bad problems from it later... and maybe tell him you understand just how hard it is when you are use to having something and it can be sort of like an addiction and if he thinks it would help to make some goals to cut it down gradually youd support his efforts to get it under control. Just some ideas i thought about when i was reading your journal because i know from experience in my rocky marriage that being assertive can start a fight even when you dont intent it to be threatening its how they take it. Also make sure the timing is right.... like i wouldnt do it any time near when you are supposed to go shopping for groceries and things just incase a fight does start. You handled the work situation very good ... dont know if i could have held up as good as you did GOOD JOB!
ZECILKL
ZECILKL

I am interested in how it goes with Geo and the soda.
I am proud of you for going to work even though you didn\'t feel well. Sounds like you handled yourself well/and they are going to recommend you for the open job.. You should be happy about the recommendation.

Maybe lowering the depakote won\'t change how you feel. I hope all is going well
ann54
ann54

it is hard to be assertive and non-threanthening, but a great toll to learn, i think it will help a lot with you and geo. as stated above do it in a loving manner and pick a time when things arent centered around food. just curious, but who pays for all his soda? great therapy session, you are getting stronger, more assured, example being how great you handled it at work, i always have a hard time if i am told i made an error. great job!!!! i think lowering the depokote might help, it, as you know, if not at the right level can be very bad. hugsss