Mack Truck

I really do feel like I have been run over.  My lovely 19 yo and has been calling me to vent.  3x yesterday and once today.  He has so much anger and anxiety.  So when he is venting, it's INTENSE emotion, loud voice.  ANGER>  I realized when I'm listening to him, I feel like I am listening to his dad.  That is really sad.  I take on my kids stuff.  How do I not do that?  How do you do it?  When your kids are struggling and that leads to worry for me, how do I separate it?  I truly believe in the old adage, you are only as happy as your most miserable child.  Well, that puts me in the gutter of hell.  Because that child is really struggling.  A week from Sunday, it will be 90 days.  I feel a slip up coming.  Like I need it to de-stress, like I need it to quell my stress and worry.  That is the old pattern.  When I really think about; what drinking would do for me right now, it would be to numb me.  To make me forget about all of this fucking bullshit.  It's interesting to watch this.  Because before I would just reach for a drink and not think about it.  This is helpful to analyze what I think drinking will get for me.