I know I have written already today, but since that last journal my brain has wandered up and down many moutains. Constantly running in the wild. I have written so much this evening, more than I typically do (which is a lot) and I still want to continue. It is all too much to write but I do want to post one thing.
Since I love comparing lyrics to issues in my life I have started a document titled, 'Lyrics transformed by the realtionship to eating disorders and my life.' Here is what I mostt recently wrote...

"Don't wanna be alone tonight on this planet they call earth…I don't have a future figured out...what do you say to taking chances, what do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there is solid ground below or hand to hold or hell to pay...I just want to start again."

These are the lyrics from Celine Dion's song, "Taking Chances".

With dependent personality disorder I never want to be alone. Let it be morning, day or night. Fear is always lurking if loneliness occurs. Do I know what the future has in store for me? Heck no! Will I ever recover? Will I suffer forever? How is my future going to turn out after I have suffered for 11+ years now? How can it possibly turn around? Do i want to take chances and try to improve or would i rather just hang here where I am comfortable? It is a scary road and i do not know if can do it just yet. If I do take a chance and jump off the edge i might end up safe or come crashing down. Am I ready and prepared to take that chance? I honestly do not know. I am too scared to crash and not have anyone there to save me. Then again, I know realistically that i do have people who will save me regardless of the situation, even though I never seem to believe that until it happens. I wish I could start my life anew. Do things differently and avoid all the issues i currently deal with.