Loving myself

It's interesting how things change. March will be 3 years. I've learned to risk and I've learned to live. Ive zip lined and traveled across the U.S. in faith that financially I would be ok. I've learned that failure only happens if I try and that it's actually a step in the right direction. What may seem like an error may actually set the right plan in motion. I've learned to let things go in an attempt to hang on to what is important; joy, peace, belonging, safety, self worth, hope and happiness.
I've learned to recognize fear and not let it determine my actions or take hold of my future.
I've dated and broke up. I'm engaged now. I'm happy with my current circumstances. Not because of the man in my life but because of my attitude and my willingness to embrace my weaknesses and celebrate my strengths. I am happy with who I have discovered in me. I reflect back and see that the hardship of change in my life wasn't really about loss, but rather about adapting.
I can breathe easy knowing that no matter what comes my way, I can see opportunity before me. The things I value most aren't items, can't be bought and can bring healing to others. It was through the hardest time that I received these gifts of life.
I have freedom. I am me. I can finally look at myself in the light and it makes me smile. Being a widow is not who I am, it's a part of my life experience. It's woven into the tapestry next the first high school dance, getting a drivers license, summer school for Algebra, raising children, becoming a grandmother, friendships and many other experiences.
It's a turning point. Life is before me. It's what I do with what I've got and that depends completely on my attitude and my willingness. I've never loved myself this completely. I've never forgiven myself and recognized how truly amazing being human is...