Love of you life - the grief stays in your heart

When you lose the love of your life, the grief seems to stay in your heart.
We can get on with our lives in other areas of it but the grief stays in the heart.  The heart wants what the heart wants - our old life before death of our spouses/partners etc.  
I think the grief of losing Smokey has overwhelmed these days and I just can't seem to focus on getting my life back together.  Job hunting is necessary but the heart doesn't want to go in that direction.  Necessity makes me go in that direction.  It might be a good thing having a job to keep the mind busy and not focusing on what I don't have anymore.  I just need to write this out so I can see myself and what I am thinking.  It helps writing in these journal entries so very much.
Lisa's practicum will be over this Friday.  In August she will be working Fridays, Sundays, Mondays and Tuesday.  I will babysit those days unless Grant is not working and can take one or two of those days.  Grant lost his job Monday.  Grant has an interview on Thursday with a company that really seems to want him so he might have a job.  He is in the restaurant business.  His last job was with Sammy J. Peppers.  Lisa is a Registered Care Attendant.  She wants a job in that area with weekends off.  I hope she finds one so I can have my weekends off as well.
I need to get my life back together.  It is becoming a priority for me.  I would like having the weekends off from babysitting or work.  Right now I have too much time off work looking for work.  I even applied to Tim Horton's and might apply to Wal-Mart as well.  These companies seem to be willing to train you.  I am open to any kind of work now.  I think I got job burn out from being a receptionist.  Going in a different venue might be what the doctor ordered for me.
I am just thinking of things and writing them down.  
It's my thoughts from Diane B.