Love/Hate

What I love:
-music (jazz, rock and roll, light rock, techno, punk, trance), singing, writing music
- Being outside, walking clears my mind, the fresh air helps my lungs. I love running my bare feet in loose dirt and sand.
- Writing poetry and stories. It's an exspression of self. Doesn't matter if it makes sence to others as long as it means something to myself.
- Playing video games (just not shooting games) Games are triggers when they are violent so I have to be careful.
- Pillows, love pillows, they make me feel comfort
- Art, it lets you be in another world, painting etc.
- Laughing, I love humor, however some humor are "triggers" they set off some unpleasant memories that shut me down and causes me to lash out on people who don't deserve it
- Soaking in water. Lettin it crash over my face and body in a candle lit room.
- Homemade cards and crafts. I love getting random things that someone has made themselves. Material objects are way over rated. I do love hadcrafting though. My little brother gave me a bit of wood he carved into an "S". It's the most precious thing I've ever recieved
- Cooking
- Movies of all genres
- Getting dressed up, make up done, hair in curls. I do like looking nice.
- Photography. Give me a camera and I can capture raw.
- Dancing at night
- The key to my heart and the trick to tearing down all walls is someone can come to me instead of me running to them. You have no idea how much that encourages strength and love. No one has ever fought for me like that, but I would love for someone who can say "you're worth it" and mean it. If you come, I will forgive but I don't think anyone realixes that. Meet me and the rest will follow. I love this kind of love but have lost hope that anyone finds me worth it.
- Tattoos are beautiful but not something I will go overboard on. They are personal and sometimes create a source of entertainment and peace.
- Creeks, lakes, oceans, I love sitting by a body of water and talking and joking around especially around sunrise or set. I used to love looking for shells. So unique
- Animals of all kinds. I'm afraid of dogs due to a past tramautic event but animals are pricless!!
-Romance, a picnic outside with conversations of hope and love, being open and raw. I love when people cry, it reminds me there is heart and soul wrapped in that flesh. Draw me a bath with candles, fall asleep with me watching a cheezy movie then protect me from scarey movies.
- Me. I love the woman I know I can be but she's been hiding in fear. Triggers make her full of shame, hide and put walls up pushing people away. It's going to be hard as hell to do but I'm about to find her jerk her ass back out of the shadows again because I love that woman and if I loose that, there is no point to live. I have strength, emotions, I'm raw and deep, I'm easy going and am full of life when I'm truly free of living in fear. I know I can do this but I'm having struggles. This doesnt make me a bad person. It makes me human.
 
What I hate:
- People who attack me
- Cutting my skin. I do it but its not proud
- Wasting my effort on people who take it for granted. I've put effort into many things and it seems no one take me seriously.
- Abuse! I deserve to be treated with respect and Love, not being hit in the face, kicked in the ribs, put down and taken for granted overall. No one deserves it and I won't take it anymore!
- Talking down to me. I'm not a child, I hate when people talk to me like I'm a child who is stupid and not wise.
- Bullies! STOP! Don't call me stupid, dumb, nutz, etc. It's just not okay. Bullies make me question what they feel about themselves. I'm not your victim so back the fuck up!
- Pasive people. If you see I'm being put down and you don't stand up for me and whats right, yes I get upset. You're letting someone get hurt when you are able to stand up for that person and give them a bit of hope. There are some people in this world that need to know that someone will stand up for them, you don't know how hurt this person is or how close they are in attempting suicide or self harm, so why would you let them be bullied, abused, etc? It takes one person! That's all, help them!!
-I hate the complete dark, it causes panic attacks.
- Long distance relationships, I'm a physcial person, I need to be able to talk to a person face to face, texting, emails, etc messes everything up because people take them so wrong the next thing you know, their putting wors in your mouth. I need to cuddle and be able to put my ear to the chest to hear a heartbeat.