lots of ideas that are making me a bit cuckoo
I went to my parents' house today and it was really nice. Just a good time eating breakfast
and then some shopping and then back to their office where my Dad and I read the Sunday paper and had the news
on. I am really grateful.
On the news was a lot of President Trump, and it gave me shudders. I apologize to those who support him
but the more he was on - the more I started to wonder how his mind works. He seems to come from a place
of ominpotence and that idea really sunk in and I found myself sucked in.
I came home and just was full of a conservative sense and I seem to be cut off from my own vibe.
The more I thought about it - the more I needed to find my perspective again - what made me feel on my own again, and to own, my own again was to start
doing chores. Checked my bank account, went and bought gas, went to Starbucks and those realities just
got me feeling somewhat personally in the boogie of my life again.
I wondered what it was that I wanted? Why was I feeling so uptight and rigid? I kind of spazzed inside - whereas once
I might have railed inside about it to a great degree - a better vantage finally came
and I started to think about Arfie's phrase, and my usage of her phrase, "romancing an idea.."
What point would that have at this time? It indeed would help me feel good about my life I realized.
I guess it's about metabolizing my experience too.
I AM alone - and though I am free to do what I like with my time, part of me wants to feel important,
to feel something, to feel like I am doing alright. I know this is a crazy post - I just can't leave a message like
this on my Therapist's voicemail. Part of owning this desire to feel kind of valuable - also makes me realize
that I must be brave enough to put that 'special' pursuit in a community aspect...To not just live
in a corner of my mind for a special touch - and be unempowered in the outside world
- that won't get me anywhere...I really don't know
if you have any words here - would very much appreciate it - I can imagine my therapist saying something
brilliant and decharging of the worry I feel. I will keep on keeping on. Take care of yourselves tonight and all week
long - Peace and be well :)