Lot in Life??
I had a quick dinner with my cousin tonight. This made me wonder, what is one's lot in life? Is it karma, and what comes around, does it always go around? Or is this some b.s. that just keeps us going when the going gets tough and it's not really coming around?
My cousin, a recovering drug addict from 5 years past, is still paying drug court fees, restitution and weekly costs each week. Ironically, she could have gone to prison for 9 months and have been done. As it is, she has spent the last 4.5 years working the system and seemingly being bled dry...
She is a good woman. She has fought her way back, fought to regain custody of her children. She is doing great! Has her kids, has a job, but can't overcome the "drug court"....
I feel much the same. I have fought. I have overcome the abuse of my daughter, the prosecution, the fallout, the losing everything, starting over, being drained by the N, and starting over once again.
We are smart, strong women, making our way....
But....there are no breaks...
We can look around at the N's of our life, or even those that just have more N traits - you know, the dog eat dog world that we live in...
...and we have to wonder, is it just boundaries? Is it just us? Are we just not enough? Because, it sure seems like a lot of "them" are making it, while many of "us" are fighting and struggling each day and not making much progress at all!!!
At least once a week, I encounter someone that I could use...to my advantage...and I don't. I have always lived by the standard that there is karma. That one day, it would be enough that I'm a good person. Now, I have to question this???
I have an acquaintance, she's nice enough, but definitely takes care of herself and uses whatever she can to her advantage. She married a guy with a good job and good insurance and benefits. She even told many of us that was her goal...and not him. He adores her. He allows her to do whatever, while he holds down the fort. And she seems to get all the breaks...wins the lottery, won the random scholarship of $5,000 and on and on and on.
She is not smarter, better, cuter than my cousin or I. So, why? Why is she traveling this seemingly grand path, while we are working our asses off with education, multiple jobs, and still fighting and struggling?
I know many would argue it's the better path. I know many would argue karma. I know that it is even written (at least in my religious teachings) that it will become harder and harder and harder for those that are "good" and have faith to manage towards the end of days. That there will be more pain, more betrayal, more using of people etc. etc....
Would we be better off, happier, if we did just use those around us? If we were more like the N's or those with N traits?
I am not certain, truth be told. I love who I am. I love my kids, even when I sacrifice for them. I love my puppies, even when they make messes and I can't afford them. I can tell a friend that I would rather be poor and have this precious time with my kids. But really? Really? What is the reality? I'm I in denial or really just sticking to the path I know is true?
There are some days that I wish I really knew.....
My cousin, a recovering drug addict from 5 years past, is still paying drug court fees, restitution and weekly costs each week. Ironically, she could have gone to prison for 9 months and have been done. As it is, she has spent the last 4.5 years working the system and seemingly being bled dry...
She is a good woman. She has fought her way back, fought to regain custody of her children. She is doing great! Has her kids, has a job, but can't overcome the "drug court"....
I feel much the same. I have fought. I have overcome the abuse of my daughter, the prosecution, the fallout, the losing everything, starting over, being drained by the N, and starting over once again.
We are smart, strong women, making our way....
But....there are no breaks...
We can look around at the N's of our life, or even those that just have more N traits - you know, the dog eat dog world that we live in...
...and we have to wonder, is it just boundaries? Is it just us? Are we just not enough? Because, it sure seems like a lot of "them" are making it, while many of "us" are fighting and struggling each day and not making much progress at all!!!
At least once a week, I encounter someone that I could use...to my advantage...and I don't. I have always lived by the standard that there is karma. That one day, it would be enough that I'm a good person. Now, I have to question this???
I have an acquaintance, she's nice enough, but definitely takes care of herself and uses whatever she can to her advantage. She married a guy with a good job and good insurance and benefits. She even told many of us that was her goal...and not him. He adores her. He allows her to do whatever, while he holds down the fort. And she seems to get all the breaks...wins the lottery, won the random scholarship of $5,000 and on and on and on.
She is not smarter, better, cuter than my cousin or I. So, why? Why is she traveling this seemingly grand path, while we are working our asses off with education, multiple jobs, and still fighting and struggling?
I know many would argue it's the better path. I know many would argue karma. I know that it is even written (at least in my religious teachings) that it will become harder and harder and harder for those that are "good" and have faith to manage towards the end of days. That there will be more pain, more betrayal, more using of people etc. etc....
Would we be better off, happier, if we did just use those around us? If we were more like the N's or those with N traits?
I am not certain, truth be told. I love who I am. I love my kids, even when I sacrifice for them. I love my puppies, even when they make messes and I can't afford them. I can tell a friend that I would rather be poor and have this precious time with my kids. But really? Really? What is the reality? I'm I in denial or really just sticking to the path I know is true?
There are some days that I wish I really knew.....
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