Lost my dog

I went to Pennsylvania over the 4th. We left on the 28th at midnight. The way the trip started I should have known it would be the trip from hell. We get to Detroit and find out our exit is closed so we have to go about a half an hour out of our way. We left in the middle of the night thinking it would be easier on my old dog. I thought she would lay and sleep and it would be much cooler for her. She had bad hips and legs...what all big dogs seem to get as they get older. We get to my parents and the poor old girl couldn't even get out of the car by herself. I had bought her a ramp so she could walk in and out without hurting her joints. The trip was just too much for her. We ended up lifting her out of the car and onto the ramp but she couldn't even do that so we lifted her onto the grass. My dog did not like to be picked up at all so it was quite something else for us to do that. She was not a small dog either. She was between 70 and 80 pounds. She did seem to get a little better as the next couple of days went by. She could get up by herself but it took her a while. I kept debating with myself what I should do. I knew in my heart that the trip back to Michigan would have been impossible for her so I made the only decision I felt I had. On Wednesday the 2nd I had to have my girl put to sleep. I stayed with her the whole time. I had always promised her that Mommy would never leave her and I kept that promise. I still feel horrible that I had to do that. After I lost BJ that dog became my whole life. My days revolved around what I had to do for Elsie. I made her food and treats myself. I didn't trust the stuff from cans anymore. I still can't believe that she is not here with me. I catch myself going thru the house and I want to talk to her. I always talked to her and told her what I was doing and where I was going. Its as bad as losing BJ all over again. I always told BJ that Elsie was my good child and he would just give me his shit eating grin. I did get a sign that Elsie is with BJ now. I had Elsie's comforter that she slept on hanging on the clothes line. We took it down and shook it out and when I folded it up there was a feather sticking out of it. That has been one of the ways BJ has given me signs. He sends me feathers. He had an old feather pillow that my mom gave him a hard time over and even since he passed we have been finding feathers in strange places. Even in places where there should have been no feathers.....like Elsie's bed. He did give me another sign after we were home on Sunday. The other half was in the tub and I was sitting in my recliner with the foot rest up and layed back and I was talking to Elsie. I asked how I was supposed to get along with my girl. It wasn't but a couple of minutes later that the smoke detector gave out a long squeal. That sent cats running and had me sitting straight up in my chair. I know the batteries are fine in that thing and it wasn't hot in the house. I know it was BJ messing with me. I told him it wasn't nice to scare the hell out his old mom. I can just see him laughing as he did it tho. After I had Elsie put to sleep I remembered something that BJ used to tell me. He used to tease me and tell me Elsie was his dog. He always said that with his shit eating grin on his face. When we were on our way home from the vet I told BJ that he had Elsie for now but she was only on loan until I got there! I miss that dog so bad. She might have been old and slow and a little hard of hearing but she made me feel safe being in the house by myself. She still looked mean. I know she is better off now. She is with BJ and she doesn't have any pain. My mom said she couldn't cry for the animals that have to be put to sleep cause they have no more pain and can run and play. I told her I get that and I cry for me cause I miss my old girl.