Loss of gaming sobriety

I had 22 months off of video games. Last night I threw it all away, and today I continued to play. I have no plans of stopping any time soon. 
 
I'm hiding from feelings. There is a lot of sadness I think.. but I'm not sure.. I can't really feel a whole lot emotions wise.
I've been encouraged to journal, but I'm really struggling with what to say..
 
I feel a lot of shame and guilt. I have been hearing from a lot of people that I am such an inspiration. My sponsor has said it, friends have said it, a lot of people have. I heard it no less than three times from three different sources over the last week. 
I don't feel like an inspiration. I feel like I betrayed all of them.
 
:(