Losing myself..

I'm so depressed.. I am reaching that point in my depression where I am becoming numb... I want so badly to talk to someone.. To figure this out... But I can't.. I'm done trying.. Iam  trying to seem a lil happier, it's not working.. So I am avoiding conversation.. I try to respond to people but my mind goes blank.. Suddenly the thought of talking to anyone is just unappealing... Feels pointless.. All I can think about is cutting and suicide.. I can sit here and tell everyone all this crap about how it will get better and they won't be unhappy forever.. blah blah blah... But, I can't even convince myself.. I just want this to end!! So tired of feeling this way... I just.. Can't... I'm so tired... I just want to sleep.. Forever.. Never have to wake up and deal with life again.. I know I don't have a bad life... But I'm just done with being so unhappy.. Feeling so alone.. I can have soo many people. I can have guys fighting over me and stuff but still, I'm so lonely... I feel so empty... I want to cry, scream, throw things, punch a wall, cut, something... But I'm just stuck... A few tears and then I'm done.. I just shut down.. Take a palm full (or however much i feeling like taking) of melatonin and shut my phone off and sleep.. Just hoping, maybe this time i won't wake up.. I'm just ready to end it all.. the pain, sadness, loneliness.. Everything... But... I'll .put on a fake smile when i have to.. Because i have no choice.. If I can't smile and be happy.. I'll just hide away in my room til can.. Not speak to anyone.. Not like anyone is gonna miss me much.. I just wish I could stop feeling this way for more than 1day- a week...  I'm just so tired.. ) ': So, so very tired.... I just want it to be over...