losing my s&*$
I need to have some time for myself.
the day was so long today - and at the end of it the new priest
asked me to come back to his living room to have coffee.
I did my first baptism today - and the way they push you around here
or push me around here - I really don't like
but I am so tired and stressed I just kind of give up
and do the job - losing myself to the greater resignation
or acceptance as my therapist once mentioned and not taking my emotional
temperature - just doing the job - forgetting about myself in a way
- maybe there's a maturity in that? I think about what my parents went
through when I come home to nurture and be with Blue
I don't know.
Each priest has his own way of doing the liturgy -
Each priest says it's "THE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT!"
The new priest is not very good at speaking english
and has the most convoluted version of serving diving
liturgy that I have seen so far. It SUCKS!!!
He's really intense - my stress levels today were through the roof
because of his intensity - the newness of each day with them
and him - I just got a view of how for the sisters and the follks here
it is really their calling - and i don't know -
I just asked to have some time during liturgy to sit in the confessional
for a while - I think I called my therapist and left a voicemail. I am pretty sure i did.
I feel like I am losing sight of what I like - or maybe morphing into a new
person -
It's like living in a habitrail here - we have a very limited but busy and specific
form of life - like running around in circles every day - serving up the same stuff.
I think it may be time for me to leave. I am not sure - today was so long -
and I wanted to sleep in tomorrow - but the NEW PRIEST SAID he wants me
to do liturgy - !!! AHHHHHH!!!!
Ah well - thanks for reading this venting journal.
Replies
Sounds like you had a bad day...........
In my humble opinion, life is all about lessons and I often ask the question, "What is this suppose to teach me?" Surprisingly, I always get an answer!
God Bless
Thanks Bob! I wrote the priest and was honest and he said ok to my request. I am happy I asserted myself. This is what I wrote:
Dear Father, I take very strong medications at night which make it very hard to get up in the morning but I do get up and make it to church when I am supposed to be there. Tonight it is really hitting me how tired I am, and knowing how the medicine affects me is daunting and is making me want to rest tomorrow morning. I know I said that I would lead liturgy tomorrow but would it be possible or ok with you if I were to rest instead? I would really appreciate it.
Perfect! You did the right thing.
Hi Mark,
I am glad you recognized a need to rest. This is your journey and path that no matter what - you are in control of your own decisions. In a life of service to others, I presume this can be confusing at times. I empathize in some regard because I am giving 110% of myself in my community volunteer work right now and feel depleted at times……..
However the journey isn’t a solo one even though it may feel there aren’t enough peers. They are out there and an important balance, at least I am finding, is to connect wholeheartedly with those you can discuss these things with!
Thinking of you - and hope you got rest. Hugs.
Thanks Nikki!
When I had a therapist she told me to take an hour everyday for myself. Im going to listen to music when I get ready for work in the morning and squeeze in a few minutes of a non fiction DVD before bed. Sometimes I'll go out to lunch with my best friends mother on one of my days off. We spend two to three hours looking at clothes and eating. It might not sound like much but it makes a big difference
Thanks CCleaver!
i take that pushed around feeling as part of any long term relationship. it's a kissing cousin to that unappreciated feel. there are days i have to carry a ladder to help me climb up on my cross. i miss the days when i was able to climb up on that cross all by myself.
on such days i try to pick my battles small enough to win and big enough to matter. much of the time it's far easier to just climb up on my cross and get the kid whatever he/she is asking for or perform as expected for the adult children. keep your mask on, sweetie.
Thanks Arfie! Wonderfully insightful and inspiring!