Losing my relegion.

I have not been one to attend church regularly.  My late Grandfather was a minister and stressed that Church is just a building not neccesary to worship God.  
This is my 3rd year and I am losing my faith.  I can't believe this has happened to me.  I am losing my purpose.  I stare up at the sky and wonder why I should go on.  I go to work everyday to pay the bills. We did not plan for one of us going on without the other, financially.  I just feel lost.  I spend all week putting as many hours in that I can to put money in the bank and for what?  Everyone gets excited that it's Friday and they get to spend time with their signifiate others, and me well it's just another day alone. 
I am so angry and I don't know who to be angry at.  I deffinately don't want to be angry at Tim, I know he wanted to be with me and it wasn't his choice to be gone this soon.  I am scared to be angry at God, because I have to believe there is an afterlife where Tim exsises in Joy.  
I moved away from my kids and grandkids but I was lonely there to.  They have their own lives and I almost felt more alone around them, if that makes any sense.  
I acually thought at this point in my journey I would be in a better mental state.  I am crying daily, everything reminds me of what I have lost.  
Hearing everyone whine and complain about thier partners makes me what to grab them and shake them and remind them of what it would be like without them.  
My fuse is very short and I even exploded inappropriately at someone and had to be talked to by management.  
It seems so unfair, I am a good person and I should not have to suffer this way.
I just needed to write it down, I thought I would feel better but no.
Hugs, Sandi