Losing Faith

39 days since she left, there's still a terrible pain within me. She's done so much too me already, she's already with another man, a younger asshole at that and she's already laid down for him. As much bullshit as she's currently done to me, why can't I shake my love for her. I feel  8 years thrown away, she stole my innocence and taught me the ways of man and woman. My heart lives in a never ending fantasy that she still loves me, my mind knows that things are over. Why can't I let go? The other night I dreamt that we were together again and when I woke in the morning I had tears in my eyes, I woke up crying, I feel like god forgot about me. I have surgery scheduled Friday Aug. 3rd and I'm scared out of my mind. I've never even had a cavity and I have to undergo this alone, when I need my wife she's not here. I was afraid of not waking afterwards but now I don't think it would even matter, she moved on so quickly and my heart hurts, physically and emotionally. My life feels so empty, my family is gone.