looking for work, haunted
it seems like people in my past growing up processed things put forward by me by judging them and
thumbing me down.
I know to an extent that's how we all process things, but it does a number on the developing mind.
To constantly be in a position for ideas and thoughts and initiatives to be shot down and powered
over only to be controlled and kept in the hierarchy made me feel and quite literally experience
that there was no room for anything from me - instead I had to conceptualize objectively in
a kind of existential and questioning mode - literally - I started to and I now do question everything
from like an epistemoligical perspective. I am learning though now to understand my place in my family
and yet in years past I saw no way forward for any agency - and my mind warped and split.
They have always always been supportive of my art - and that turned into something too painful for me
to pursue for some reason - it was all concept and the vulnerability to believe enough was a lot.
I am feeling well now though. Still need to regroup a lot at times - but also questioning what I've been
searching for. I can do more.
Replies
I think I have needed to understand how I related to the hierarchy I am in, in order to have
a platform (a point of departure.) I have mostly walked around in a state of confusion.
I feel grounded now.
Creating art is a skill, a gift, and can bring joy in unexpected ways. Finding your balance with all the surroundings is a journey and the path you are on, keeping on keeping on, has been with you, You're doing a wonderful art with words written, shared, and giving hope to all.
thanks MId! You are precious! Thank you. I just came on to write some additional thoughts.
I think I have chosen a path of life in a monastery for the very purity and peace of it...a kind of epistemological
fantasia! :) and yet it's taught me so much! Now that I have been in my room here for almost three years...
it all again - has incredibly, wonderfully, set me up to understand myself, my thought processes and
where I fit in, in the world. As I look for work, I am starting to ask myself a very unusual question for me.
With a sense of agency where do I see myself working? Rather than just the logic and the clinical "do this for that" -I am starting
to allow myself a window of fantasy - I reflect on my room here and how I have made it 'just so.' I think
about the work I would like to work at that really suits me and my lifestyle and mental health condition. I can see myself
and my family vibe as well as my personal vibe and what I was brought up experiencing. I have some definite ideas
about where I would like to work now - and I am going to go for it! It's a bit like coloring in the lines.
Hopefully it'll work out...! :) God Bless!! xx
I hope that you find just the right position sweetie!!
Family relationships can be challenging at times
We all have our own perspectives, moods, personalities ect that go into the pot
I agree that keep on keeping on is a good forward thinking way to approach life
You Go Sweetie!!...xo
Thanks Janet!!
I'm glad you are feeling grounded now.
I have no idea what kind of work you want, of course - Have you thought about a temporary agency to see what would be a good fit?
Thanks GT! Sorry for the late response!
I’m just thinking about how at the monastery we live a life of the mind, and it makes sense that I came here because it is a refuge for my mind that was so used to abstraction. It’s taught me a great deal. I have gotten very fat and out of shape because physical grace/vanity is not considered here and focusing on it is vulnerable