Looking for Advice
Bob and I had a big discussion Tuesday night about when I should be taking a leave from work or reducing my hours. He's afraid that if I take leave now, I won't be available when he needs care 24/7. And I told him that I am trying to protect my sanity, as each day passes, I am two more days behind both at work and at home. He said I do not use my time wisely, and I don't. I am overwhelmed physically and emotionally.
So on Wednesday, off to work I go, only to get a call from Bob at noon, saying he had been in excrutiating pain when he got up and called hospice. Hospice sent EMTs to help him move to a chair and assess him until a hospice nurse arrived. He called me after the hospice nurse was there to let me know that he was being transported to inpatient hospice for observation for a couple of days. And he said, don't come right away, come later when you are done with work. And since I was working out of town, I went to the hospice facility as soon as I was done.
Here's my question. At what point do I disregard his direction regarding work? At what level of pain meds is rational thought gone? Why is he pushing me away? Is this something others have gone through?
I am so used to heeding his advice and submitting to his opinion.
Will be waiting today to hear from the doctor as far as the next step.
Advice?
So on Wednesday, off to work I go, only to get a call from Bob at noon, saying he had been in excrutiating pain when he got up and called hospice. Hospice sent EMTs to help him move to a chair and assess him until a hospice nurse arrived. He called me after the hospice nurse was there to let me know that he was being transported to inpatient hospice for observation for a couple of days. And he said, don't come right away, come later when you are done with work. And since I was working out of town, I went to the hospice facility as soon as I was done.
Here's my question. At what point do I disregard his direction regarding work? At what level of pain meds is rational thought gone? Why is he pushing me away? Is this something others have gone through?
I am so used to heeding his advice and submitting to his opinion.
Will be waiting today to hear from the doctor as far as the next step.
Advice?
Replies
Good Morning Sweetie!
I haven\'t been in this exact situation yet. Perhaps his \"pushing you away\" is really his trying to take care of you...as he must surely see the anxiety and fear in your eyes.
When the time comes that he needs 24/7 care, will he be at home or in the hospice facility? Maybe you can take a few days now, then discuss the possibility of a medical leave of absence with your job...when you have no doubt that it\'s time to be with Bob. Just a thought, Hon.
Only you can make this decision. Lift it up to the Lord, and He will guide you though this. I will be praying too, my friend.
HugsXXXX
Dearest Karen,
You are looking for advice, and although I can\'t tell you what to do, I can share what was a turning point in my relationship with M as his health declined. He was in the hospital, undergoing extreme rehab. Because of his brain tumors, he was very weak on his left side and could not walk without assistance. We were given explicit instructions that a nurse must be called if he wanted to go to the bathroom. One morning, M was feeling pretty confident about his ability to get to the bathroom with my assistance. I reminded my husband that we were both told that the nurse must be called. My heart wanted to do what he wanted, knowing that he has lost control of most of his life...but, I also knew that he was not going to make me do what I knew was not right...I called the nurse and he got angry....M has never gotten angry with me like that in my 35 years of marrage...and tears were rolling down my cheeks when the nurse came in. In front of M, I told the nurse what happened. She was kind and understanding and talked to us both about how difficult this time is...and she helped M understand the responsibilities of the caregiver. M understood and was so sorry for his emotional behavior. From that moment, I knew that I was responsible for him, his safety and comfort. From that point, I made all the decisions because he clearly was not able to make them. From that point, he trusted my decisions completely. That experience was a turning point for both of us and made the hospice time easier to bear. So, what I am saying is that your life is already changed dear Karen...you can\'t look to your husband to tell you what to do...you are in charge, you must do what you know is right for him and for you. None of this is easy, but whatever you decide, that is the right decision...there is no wrong decision...don\'t look back... My love and prayers are with you and Bob. Love, Linda
Dear Karen, what Linda said makes so much sense. I think that you, now, have to do what your head, and heart tell you to do, secure in the knowledge that your decisions WILL, absolutely, be the ones that are best for Bob, because your decisions are, in the end, made out of love. It\'s so hard, getting used to a relationship where the balance has changed.
Karen, you are going through what we all fear with such strength, and you remain in my prayers always.
with love, Meriel
Sweet Karen, I pray the God will tell you when its time. I know you are afraid and worried. Linda and Carol have such sound advice because they have been there. All I can do is pray. I will lift you up and pray that God will bring you peace in your decisions and that Bob will have comfort in these last months. I am so sorry, I wish I could help you. Sending prayers and hugs for you and Bob.
Wanda