look beautiful again

I grew up with my adoptiove dad screaming about how people who were on the telle where fat. They were women skinnier than me. He goes on about how my adpt. mom needs to loose weight etc. Now I purge or just don't eat at all. Some of it has to do with depression but not all of it. I hate the weight I am at. While dating Mark I gained over 60lbs, and I'm not happy about it. My dad said that he turned me fat and lazy. (mind you while working a 12 to 16hr job at a jail while hes unemployed) Mark didn't help by complaining about his own weight yet doing nothing about it. However, that was a trigger to start the circle all over again with my eating disorder. Eevry time I'd say anything about his weight I was insecure. Any time he said anything about me period, I still feel fat and horrible.
Please help me. I want to look beautiful again and feel worthy. I know I can but so many triggers get pulled, and it scares me that I can't always control myself with them.