Longing for death
No reason to live any more.
No sound of children running into my home saying "Nana! Nana!" with joy in their voices.
No children sitting chatting and having tea.
No update on the news of their lives.
I am cast into darkness.
Rejected.
I gave birth to them and they have given death to me.
I don't want to live. Please Lord take my life's breath and give it to someone who is struggling to live and wants to. This is not life for me.
No sound of children running into my home saying "Nana! Nana!" with joy in their voices.
No children sitting chatting and having tea.
No update on the news of their lives.
I am cast into darkness.
Rejected.
I gave birth to them and they have given death to me.
I don't want to live. Please Lord take my life's breath and give it to someone who is struggling to live and wants to. This is not life for me.
Replies
I am sorry you are feeling this way today, estrangement does horrible things to us... There is a reason to live, FOR YOU!!! There are so many beautiful people in this world, family or not, go out go for a walk, go to the shopping mall, do something for yourself today!! I also am on a downward spiral lately, you have to stay strong and believe this has happened for a reason, whatever reason we may not ever know, could be they are doing things that would hurt us more, you have to believe god is protecting us from worse hurts... I know it is hard to think that way when you are hurting so badly.... Stay strong purple, there is a happy life out there for you!!! Praying you have a better day today... This roller coaster of emotions is so hard to deal with and no one know are pain until they have experienced estrangement.... Prayers to you!!!
Kathy
Kathy and Purple - I am praying for you as I write this. There IS reason to live and to be happy.
First, I strongly suggest you read Rick Warren\'s book \"What on Earth am I Here For?\" It saved me and brought me out of my pain at the loss of my ES.
There is so much to live for. Volunteer at a day care if you want to be with children. I do not believe we have to be related to the little children to love them and hug them. Jesus had no children, yet he asked that the little children be brought to him and he hugged them.
Join a club, a small group through church, something to be with people. Our church has a \"Celebrate Recovery\" group that meets every Monday to help get past whatever is bringing one down.
God has plans for us all, they just aren\'t always what we think they will be.
Hugs, Linda
Thank you so much both of you for the encouraging words, the advice and ideas - I must find that book and read it. Great ideas. I spent yesterday morose in my bed with the curtains drawn, can you believe it? The title of Rick Warren\'s book summed up my feelings exactly! Well today I will take it easy but tomorrow being Monday, I plan to do something to get myself out of this pit and join U3A - a peer group - and will also pop in at a day centre and see if I can volunteer. Just to feel a child in my arms again.... I thought this was going to be quicker to get over than it is. I haven\'t see my ED and her little girl for eight months and it seems like a lifetime. Thank you again for your support. I am so glad I found this group. God bless you both xx
ISHALLWEARPURPLE,
Oh how my heart breaks for you. I understand your sense of loss. I have felt the same. I say to you, rise up and look at it for what it is and go on. When I have had such extreme thoughts, which are rare, I think to myself, \"I have been promised a life everafter, one that is eternal...and if I must face this painful reality in this life, I will have my daughter and grandchildren in the next.\" That helps me to concentrate on what this world is about and recognize that God is merciful and loving.
He gave his only son so we may have salvation. I also find peace when I pull out my bible and read of the accounts .... such as the horrors of family in King David\'s life and he knew the Lord and was blessed by the Lord.
Just a few thoughts. I know that there are hospitals that would love to have grandmothers who would rock and hold little babies who are recovering...I know there are little children out there at day care centers who would love a grandmother to read books to them; I know there are autistic children who need a patient and loving grandmother to just be with them.
Right now I am not engaged in any of these activities due to my other responsibilities, but I will pursue these in the future to help me deal with my loss.
I sew and have made beautiful blankets and such for my little grandchildren, and I can see me doing such things for other little children.
I can see me volunteering in so many ways. Things I can do to enrich my life and those of others.
Just a thought. Read a book, plant a flower, make a new recipe, go for a workout, look at a sunset...drink a cocktail! Eat a bag of bar b q potatoe chips...say a prayer.
Opps.... potato chips not potatoe chips...Ha....
Such wonderful encouraging words and such great ideas. Thank you and God bless you for each and every one of them.
I would really like to take in a baby to look after - I used to be a Day Mother many years ago.
This is definitely on my \"to do\" list and you have confirmed this - or volunteering at a Day Centre...
Thank you all and (((hugs)))