Long time no hear from me
As usually its been awhile since I have wrote in my journal. Will try to catch you guys and myself on the happenings in my life and going through my grieving process. I will start at the year 2013. I was saving up money to go to America to visit since I haven't been there since 2009 was going to go back in 2014. Airfare has went up quite a bit and I like to save enough money so I can spend and not have to worry about cost while I am there. My mother hasn't been doing too well and been keeping up with health by phone with her and my brother. She was in the hospital twice in about three months. So I talked with my sister in law(which is also a nurse) and ask her if I should come which she advised me to do so. even though I didn't have all the money saved I did have some so I took off to America on my own as we couldn't afford both of us to go. My mom was out of the hospital at this time, so I thought I would go for a month or longer if needed to give my sister and brother a break and take care of her. She has lived on her own in a apartment since my Dad died in 2000. She moved to western part of Kentucky to be closer to my sister so my sister could watch after her, after I moved to Ireland. It ended up my sister husband did most of the looking after her but that is another story altogether. Anyway I arrived in America in July I think the 18th because I left August the 18th. After a very scary short flight from Newark, New Jersey to Louisville, the stupid pilot decision to land in a thunderstorm left me very shaken and the plane as well, as we was descending to land the whole plane was shaking, I was gripping the both the arms of my chair with seat belt on and a horrible look on my face as I was looking around everybody was going on about their business reading papers, doing business, being relaxed. I thought to myself am I crazy do they not feel the whole plane shaking??? Glad I was on the ground when we finally landed. My brother was there at the airport to pick me up. Since you really can't see what is going on in the plane I told him what had occurred and he told me they just had a thunderstorm just before my plane landed. After getting my luggage my brother had a senior moment and couldn't remember how he got to the car park where he parked his car, so we walked around the outside of the airport going one way then turned around to go the opposite way, did that a couple of times ended up going the long way around after got to the car he remembered you have to get to parking from inside the building....Very funny Spent the night with my brother and he took me the next day to my moms house which is 200 miles away from where he lives.
Wonderful seeing my mom we cried tears of happiness and settled into a routine, she was weak, not eating too much, I told her I was there to take care of her as long as she needed me and to let me help her. Each day that passed I knew she was getting worse but didn't let on, fixed her meals of what she wanted, at this point she really did not feel like getting dressed so she stayed in her PJ's, would get up in the middle of the night with heart burn. Found out she had gallstones for over 50 years and she didn't do anything about it. So scheduled her for a gallbladder function test the following week. Now mom has serious health problems she found out several years ago she has 90% blockage in the arteries and decided she did not want to do anything about it, plus she is a diabetic(which I found out that year that I am also) so by Friday she was just getting weaker and started vomiting. She finally voiced what I knew all along that she was very sick, so I called my sister which only lives less than 2 miles away since I didn't know the area. Before this happen I was noticing weird behavior from my sister. I was planning my my kids which is grown up to come visit me and mom while I was there so my sister calls me and tells me she did not think it was a good idea because she didn't think mom could handle the visiting, first of all I talked it over with my mom and they were going to stay in a hotel in town told my sister that plus the fact that they were grown and could take care of their own needs. My sister hung up on me and I called her immediately after and ask her why she hung up on me she denied out of it and said her phone was messing up. Which was a lie. She did that twice and confronted her twice which she denied. Then there was one time I invited her and her husband over for dinner, she immediately started doing the dishes, I ask her very politely to sit down and take it easy as I was there to take the burden off her, then she brings up my kids again, I confronted her again she just changed the subject. Now in talking with my mom and my brother about her strange behavior they told me she was an Alcoholic, so all made sense to me then... Ok back to to the Friday my mom started vomiting and I called my sister, well she was well on the drink and couldn't drive so I called the ambulance since I didn't know my way around the area I rode in the ambulance to the hospital. We wanted in ER for what turned out to be 4 hours before they decided to admit her. I spend the night there getting very little sleep which I haven't really got any good sleep since I arrived. I kept in contact with my brother and sister over her condition by phone and a ipad that my son sent me from Ohio to use. My brother was coming on Sunday, so my sister and her husband came to pick me up on Saturday to take me to their house to spend the night. Yes we all drink that night I needed the release.
The next day my brother came and we went to the hospital, I believe my sister and her husband came later in the day. We had a good visit with mom reminiscing and trying to get her to eat, she had high sodium and they were trying to get it down. I gave her a bed bath and changed her pad and sheets to her bed. So my brother and I decided to go back to her apartment and come see her the next day to get some sleep. He took me out to eat after we left the hospital, really didn't get much sleep we stayed up talking about mom and she just wasn't able to live on her own anymore but wasn't going to mention anything until she was going to be released from the hospital. Next morning which was Monday we had called my sister and ask her if she wanted to come with us to the hospital which she declined. When we got to the hospital they were taking her to x ray to x ray her chest as her white count was up. So we waited in her room until that was over. She came back from x ray vomiting. They gave her something for it but she was still vomiting I told them that they gave phenergan in ER and that helped her, so they called her doctor which in turn they gave her that, she immediately quit vomiting and it relaxed her. We stayed with her until she fell asleep and decided to go for coffee there in the hospital. we talked again about she just can't be on her own anymore. Strange thing happen as we was sitting there talking this woman was over hearing what we was saying and started talking very kind lady, can't remember all she said but it was a comfort to the both of us. We was there maybe about 10 minutes 20 at the most. Went back to mom's room and I noticed she was breathing different and her color was not good at all. Called for the nurse she came in, then seconds later you have the full crash team in the room(or code blue team) Mom was a do not resuscitate, my brother got anxious as they were pulling plastic off of some paddles, so I had to get all their attention to tell them her wishes. Then the Doctor comes up to me which was very nice and told me they could do this and that without shocking her and going through the whole CPR thing. I took a deep breath as I wanted my mom to live, but I knew her wishes, so I said NO let her go. My mom died that morning with me and my brother at her side in the bed telling her how much we loved her and that she will get to see Khristy my daughter. I knew my mom was not in good health but just didn't know she was going to die that day, it was a shock. Then we went around calling people because it was so sudden we didn't have a chance to call people while it was happening. Since my sister decided not to come with us to visit on this day, I made the dreaded phone call to her, which she immediately started screaming, I was in shock could not comfort her at all. Then she would hand the phone to her husband me trying to explain all over again what had happen. Then sister calling again and screaming this went on several times until I just couldn't answer the phone, especially since the last time when I answered she said what did you do to my mom. Oh the drama... We went to her house after we got back from the hospital and she was drinking but seems to have gotten it together after our talk. My brother and I got back to my mom's apartment still in shock and thought she had to have funeral arrangement somewhere around the place while looking, we found a plastic bag with clothes and jewelry attach in a baggie with a note pin on it saying this is what I want to be buried in. We did find an empty envelope which on the front had written funeral arrangements. Never did find the paper but the pastor at her church helped us very much with all that. We had a service there in Princeton then she was buried 200 miles away in the same cemetery that my dad and daughter is buried. Which we had a graveside service there. My kids finally got to come but not soon enough to see their grandmother alive so they were at both services. My sister did not come to the graveside service even though my brother said they( her and her husband could stay at his house) She insisted she was too ill to make the trip. I found myself grieving all over again not only for my mom but my daughter also, she was the one that would talk to me about my daughter and listen and cried along with me. Next chapter later.
Wonderful seeing my mom we cried tears of happiness and settled into a routine, she was weak, not eating too much, I told her I was there to take care of her as long as she needed me and to let me help her. Each day that passed I knew she was getting worse but didn't let on, fixed her meals of what she wanted, at this point she really did not feel like getting dressed so she stayed in her PJ's, would get up in the middle of the night with heart burn. Found out she had gallstones for over 50 years and she didn't do anything about it. So scheduled her for a gallbladder function test the following week. Now mom has serious health problems she found out several years ago she has 90% blockage in the arteries and decided she did not want to do anything about it, plus she is a diabetic(which I found out that year that I am also) so by Friday she was just getting weaker and started vomiting. She finally voiced what I knew all along that she was very sick, so I called my sister which only lives less than 2 miles away since I didn't know the area. Before this happen I was noticing weird behavior from my sister. I was planning my my kids which is grown up to come visit me and mom while I was there so my sister calls me and tells me she did not think it was a good idea because she didn't think mom could handle the visiting, first of all I talked it over with my mom and they were going to stay in a hotel in town told my sister that plus the fact that they were grown and could take care of their own needs. My sister hung up on me and I called her immediately after and ask her why she hung up on me she denied out of it and said her phone was messing up. Which was a lie. She did that twice and confronted her twice which she denied. Then there was one time I invited her and her husband over for dinner, she immediately started doing the dishes, I ask her very politely to sit down and take it easy as I was there to take the burden off her, then she brings up my kids again, I confronted her again she just changed the subject. Now in talking with my mom and my brother about her strange behavior they told me she was an Alcoholic, so all made sense to me then... Ok back to to the Friday my mom started vomiting and I called my sister, well she was well on the drink and couldn't drive so I called the ambulance since I didn't know my way around the area I rode in the ambulance to the hospital. We wanted in ER for what turned out to be 4 hours before they decided to admit her. I spend the night there getting very little sleep which I haven't really got any good sleep since I arrived. I kept in contact with my brother and sister over her condition by phone and a ipad that my son sent me from Ohio to use. My brother was coming on Sunday, so my sister and her husband came to pick me up on Saturday to take me to their house to spend the night. Yes we all drink that night I needed the release.
The next day my brother came and we went to the hospital, I believe my sister and her husband came later in the day. We had a good visit with mom reminiscing and trying to get her to eat, she had high sodium and they were trying to get it down. I gave her a bed bath and changed her pad and sheets to her bed. So my brother and I decided to go back to her apartment and come see her the next day to get some sleep. He took me out to eat after we left the hospital, really didn't get much sleep we stayed up talking about mom and she just wasn't able to live on her own anymore but wasn't going to mention anything until she was going to be released from the hospital. Next morning which was Monday we had called my sister and ask her if she wanted to come with us to the hospital which she declined. When we got to the hospital they were taking her to x ray to x ray her chest as her white count was up. So we waited in her room until that was over. She came back from x ray vomiting. They gave her something for it but she was still vomiting I told them that they gave phenergan in ER and that helped her, so they called her doctor which in turn they gave her that, she immediately quit vomiting and it relaxed her. We stayed with her until she fell asleep and decided to go for coffee there in the hospital. we talked again about she just can't be on her own anymore. Strange thing happen as we was sitting there talking this woman was over hearing what we was saying and started talking very kind lady, can't remember all she said but it was a comfort to the both of us. We was there maybe about 10 minutes 20 at the most. Went back to mom's room and I noticed she was breathing different and her color was not good at all. Called for the nurse she came in, then seconds later you have the full crash team in the room(or code blue team) Mom was a do not resuscitate, my brother got anxious as they were pulling plastic off of some paddles, so I had to get all their attention to tell them her wishes. Then the Doctor comes up to me which was very nice and told me they could do this and that without shocking her and going through the whole CPR thing. I took a deep breath as I wanted my mom to live, but I knew her wishes, so I said NO let her go. My mom died that morning with me and my brother at her side in the bed telling her how much we loved her and that she will get to see Khristy my daughter. I knew my mom was not in good health but just didn't know she was going to die that day, it was a shock. Then we went around calling people because it was so sudden we didn't have a chance to call people while it was happening. Since my sister decided not to come with us to visit on this day, I made the dreaded phone call to her, which she immediately started screaming, I was in shock could not comfort her at all. Then she would hand the phone to her husband me trying to explain all over again what had happen. Then sister calling again and screaming this went on several times until I just couldn't answer the phone, especially since the last time when I answered she said what did you do to my mom. Oh the drama... We went to her house after we got back from the hospital and she was drinking but seems to have gotten it together after our talk. My brother and I got back to my mom's apartment still in shock and thought she had to have funeral arrangement somewhere around the place while looking, we found a plastic bag with clothes and jewelry attach in a baggie with a note pin on it saying this is what I want to be buried in. We did find an empty envelope which on the front had written funeral arrangements. Never did find the paper but the pastor at her church helped us very much with all that. We had a service there in Princeton then she was buried 200 miles away in the same cemetery that my dad and daughter is buried. Which we had a graveside service there. My kids finally got to come but not soon enough to see their grandmother alive so they were at both services. My sister did not come to the graveside service even though my brother said they( her and her husband could stay at his house) She insisted she was too ill to make the trip. I found myself grieving all over again not only for my mom but my daughter also, she was the one that would talk to me about my daughter and listen and cried along with me. Next chapter later.
Replies
thanks for the update and so sorry about your mom and your sister.... life just doesn\'t get easier... I am hoping your return trip was better than the trip here... love and hugs my friend
I\'m so sorry honey. Love and hugs to you
Love & Hugs!! XOXO
Kelly
I too am at the point of trying to be reasonable about my 84 year old dad (also alcoholic), trying to get the facts long distance from him and from my stepmom.
I am so sorry for this additional loss for you. Each new loss brings us down again... Love and hugs for your losses.
{{{Hugs}}}
I am so sorry about your mom. It is wonderful that you were there to see that her wishes were carried out. I know what a hard decision that is. How conflicting on our emotions. Good job...good daughter. Lauri
What an amazing daughter you are!! It is so hard - every loss is just magnified in our life - I am so sorry. Hugs.....Vicki