long time

yellow friend ,  i still need you --smile  ,,how odd it is for me to still to need to write my feelings  like  a child  ,not to admit that  others  may  read it  yet it helps to get it out ,,,its been so long ,mostly i am  hapy  tho i am not the type that  smiles a lot or  finds life   full of fun and  games .my eplepsy is still under control  for the first time since i  developed  it these last  3-4 years . i know  it will smack me  in the  face eventally as i hide it and mostly pretend i do not have nothing  wrong with me  besides  a mouth  .... i get very  angry at my  husband when  he  starts on me that i am overtired and  if i rember something he doesnt he makes me think i am loosing it he will say  i think you need  to  go lay  down or did you take your meds ...he knows  full well i always take them.....i  usally prove him  wrong and  all but  it  has  made me  look like a  nut in front of who  ever was  here  as i do  get angry .then  at  night ,i work  i work a 2-11 shift  and  i pop my meds  around 1130 at night  by one i have  unwound and  so  tired and sleppy  i have to go to bed  some of it due to the meds  no doubt ,he  can  hurrt my  feeling as he'll say  when  did  you start going to bed so early ,,,usally its betwwen 1-1;15 a.m. ,i have always needed  more sleep except  now  and then  when this gets  bad .then  we  cooke thanksgiving had it  on tue. our day off  and it was a ok meal  but the grown boys  didnt seem  like they appreciated  all we did  so  i was digusted -next year we  eat out as we got  into it  at the table and they ruint  my  meal  any way . well dear yellow friend  i must go to work  i will be back  ,,,shawna ,,hope  my friends ,and everyone  are well  tho i havent talked to you all in 4 -ever ,shawna