Long empty weekend coming

It looks like I don't have to decide what to do about it being my weekend with my son, and the party.  I was just informed that my step-daughter who is moving on the 29th wants to have all weekend with her brother before she moves, so she is asking me to let him stay home for the full long weekend.  I can't, in good conscience, say no.
Of course, since my ex was reconnecting with me and finally intimate with me a on the 5th, then changed her mind and decided to start dating a guy on Friday, I'm in a world of hurt.  I was looking forward to having my son and not being alone for the long weekend.  I can't even distract myself with work on Monday.
I should go somewhere or do something, but I just feeling like crawling in a hole and dying.  I don't even want to get out of bed, yet I can't sleep without sleeping pills, and then only fitfully.  I don't know how I'll make it through.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I was anticipating her staying overnight with me and maybe going somewhere together as a family on Monday.  Now...  

Replies

steppingovertheedge
steppingovertheedge

Plan something. Anything. Do you like hiking, or even just taking longish walks in nature? Drive somewhere. Go up to the Berkshires in MA or even further to VT or NH. Find some woodsy trails and just go for some long walks. Bring water, snacks, and a book or two (and bugspray!). Stay overnight in a hotel. Get out for a while! Or, if it\'s your preference, go to a big city - NY, Boston. Wander around window shopping, riding public transportation. Explore some places you\'ve never been.

I didn\'t want to be home this evening with my stbx (still living together) so after a function that I had from 7-8:30 I just went to a local hotel bar, had a couple beers, and read the paper. Later dropped by my brother\'s house to watch a show or two and came home after stbx was asleep. Easier that way.

It\'s not weird to eat alone at a restaurant sitting at the bar. Bring a phone/tablet/laptop and possibly something to read. Plenty of people do it. Being out with people, even strangers, is better than suffering at home.

It seems like you\'ve been hanging on to her for a while, and those post-divorce reconciliations have just hurt you more. Time to fully accept that it\'s over and really start the healing. You want to start that clock ASAP because we all know it will take time to get healthy and happy again.

By the way, good for you for being a great father and accepting more pain into your life so your step-daughter can spend the weekend with your son. You also have accepted extra pain (and this might have been unwise, but is still admirable) by trying to keep your marriage intact and being willing to consider reconciliation with someone you care about. This is integrity and character. Look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are.
LostNFound3
LostNFound3

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I know I need to force myself to do something whether I feel like it or not. I do like hiking a lot. I need to find something/someplace new. Every place I think of is filled with memories of us. This is also true of my timeshare in North Conway, NH. All the hikes to waterfalls in the beautiful fall foliage..out special place. I was going to sell it, but my boy says he still wants to go with just him and me. That\'s going to be so hard - but now I\'m projecting. I need to focus on just today - just get through today.
You are right about healing. She served me for divorce Friday the 13th of 2013, and it was final April 14th, 2014. Then I invested over a year in two failed restarts - each time hurting as much as the first. I can\'t do that anymore. She made her choice, and I need to accept it and find a way to move on.
whatthe321
whatthe321

Hang in there. I\'m in the same boat this weekend. Kids with stbx although I do get them on Monday. First off...you will get through this. Yes it might suck...a lot...but you will get through this. You should be commended for giving this your all but it sounds like it is time to cut losses and let it go. I did the same thing. Did everything to try to keep the family together but after 7 months (and one brief assumed restart...my bad) I was mentally and physically exhausted. My friends kept telling me that it is over but I wouldn\'t give up until I had to. I was on anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds for almost a year. They did their job as I also had severe chest pains and no appetite. As much as it hurts, for your own sanity you have to let go. No focus on your ex (she doesn\'t deserve it), more focus on your kids (they deserve it), all focus on YOU (you definitely deserve it) and what else YOU want out of YOUR life. It is weird to think in those terms but it is sort of exciting. You need to heal and that takes time.

One suggestion...you might want to check out website for Family Minute. There is a lot of good information there for parents. http://www.familyminute.com/ There is also All Pro Dad (which is also part of Family Minute...scroll down to bottom of family minute webpage) that has a lot of good dad stuff as well. Good stuff about children but also marriage. I get several emails per week on different topics. I like it a lot.

Good luck this weekend. Not sure what I\'m going to do yet but I\'m going to try to make the most of it. You can too!!!