Lonely and sad but I come off as happy??
What if I am suicidal and know one knows it. I have been realizing, slowly, that I am quite suicidal. It is the alternative to everything that I do, everything that is me. If I worry about financial issues I want to commit suicide. I am so close. I have the access to medication and household chemicals that could allow me to pass away. I am sad inside and the outside one can only see happiness. The last time I let myself feel this way for too long I fell apart and had to be hospitalized.
Right now I am alone. I have my parents and my brother, but I really don't have anyone else to go to. I have thought of some of my classmates as friends, but I cant even get them to do things with me that are outside of class. I am just sad inside and I don't know how to express it to others. I have not seen my psychologist since I started my Spring semester and I need to talk to her to get some advice and allow myself to relax. I need to see a doctor, I am throwing up at least three times a week and I am nauseous for the rest of the week. There are so many other side effects from the drugs that I am taking. I am discouraged about this. What happens when I am not able to be under my father's insurance and I am on my own with doctor's appointments and prescription drugs.
It seem like everyday is a new challenge. Not something totally horrible, but something to be afraid of, it is something that pokes at me all the time.
Goodnight Moon
Right now I am alone. I have my parents and my brother, but I really don't have anyone else to go to. I have thought of some of my classmates as friends, but I cant even get them to do things with me that are outside of class. I am just sad inside and I don't know how to express it to others. I have not seen my psychologist since I started my Spring semester and I need to talk to her to get some advice and allow myself to relax. I need to see a doctor, I am throwing up at least three times a week and I am nauseous for the rest of the week. There are so many other side effects from the drugs that I am taking. I am discouraged about this. What happens when I am not able to be under my father's insurance and I am on my own with doctor's appointments and prescription drugs.
It seem like everyday is a new challenge. Not something totally horrible, but something to be afraid of, it is something that pokes at me all the time.
Goodnight Moon
Replies
Hello Hope, I have been where you are, sometimes everything seems so bad that suicide seems like the only way out. But it\'s not...whats hard to know right now, when you\'re feeling hopeless and discouraged, is that things DO change, that whatever you\'re going thru right now will be different, and better, in the future. I am sick, too and understand how depressing it can be when the meds dont work, but there are many other meds that help depression.I\'ve had many bouts w/depression, and serious illness, and yes had thoughts of suicide. Do you know what stops me? My mother was suicidal, she tried to commit suicide twice when I was young and it messed up my life. I dont want to do that to anyone else. I dont have husband, kids, and lost my sister a few years ago. BUT I do have many friends, a brother, nephews, etc., that do love me even though I dont feel it sometimes, dont see it, and think I cant talk to them. The reality is you can talk to them, they do care much more than you know. If you left this world they would never be the same. They would feel as much pain as you do right now. Call your father, your psychologist, your friends. People love you and want to help...you just need to tell them.