loneliness, lack of friends
i need a cigarrette. i am hollow, empty. no, i am not. i have been hollow and desiring whole-ness. to feel complete. i always stood on my own, pretending i needed a man. no friends. then i decided i was better off alone. and i want friends. now i am fucking lonely. my insides exposed to wind, burning wind. my aching heart drying up. as it continues to beat, i lose more blood. the drier it gets, the more pain it feels. will no one fill my heart? why must i depend on myself? that is just too much to ask, too big of a task. i need help. i need love. i need a fucking friend.
the emptiness is real. the void, alive. it is a being, resting in my soul. feeding on my loneliness. growing and strenghtening as i grow weaker, smaller. and so the cycle begins. it feeds upon my loneliness, my emptiness, my nothingness. it grows stronger on my weaknesses and its own strengths. there's no escaping its embrace. i have fallen for this abysmal life, for it needs depends upon me so dearly.
edit on Nov 19: "my insides exposed to wind, burning wind" - i had just read the following account by lucyquin, and then felt compelled to write this journal entry.. also changed "needs" to "depends upon" and am setting up to post to tumblr in the near future.
http://lucyquin.tumblr.com/post/36010714652/a-long-time-ago-i-ripped-out-all-of-my-insides-so#notes
by lucyquin on tumblr:
A long time ago,I ripped out all of my insides so the wind could freely tear through meand I could no longer feel the cold, the pain, the empty feeling of hollow promises bouncing around a hopeful chest.And now I am stuck this way.Incompleteandincapable of so many things.I’ve dug a shallow grave for myself inside my own chest and I wait patiently until I can foldinside myself to fill the void,to be complete.
the emptiness is real. the void, alive. it is a being, resting in my soul. feeding on my loneliness. growing and strenghtening as i grow weaker, smaller. and so the cycle begins. it feeds upon my loneliness, my emptiness, my nothingness. it grows stronger on my weaknesses and its own strengths. there's no escaping its embrace. i have fallen for this abysmal life, for it needs depends upon me so dearly.
edit on Nov 19: "my insides exposed to wind, burning wind" - i had just read the following account by lucyquin, and then felt compelled to write this journal entry.. also changed "needs" to "depends upon" and am setting up to post to tumblr in the near future.
http://lucyquin.tumblr.com/post/36010714652/a-long-time-ago-i-ripped-out-all-of-my-insides-so#notes
by lucyquin on tumblr:
A long time ago,I ripped out all of my insides so the wind could freely tear through meand I could no longer feel the cold, the pain, the empty feeling of hollow promises bouncing around a hopeful chest.And now I am stuck this way.Incompleteandincapable of so many things.I’ve dug a shallow grave for myself inside my own chest and I wait patiently until I can foldinside myself to fill the void,to be complete.
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