Lonely

I'm absolutely going crazy. I never thought that losing what I thought were friends would affect me this bad. I think about it constantly. It's like I'm obsessing about it. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm scared, angry and depressed all at the same time. I'm so afraid. To anyone who reads this journal, please pray for me. I'm so scared. There were tornado's in the area this afternoon. The storm sirens were going off. That only added to my fear. There was noone to call. There is noone. After the storms, I could hear my neighbors outside on their phone telling people "Yeah, we're o.k." They used to be friends. I spent so much time on their son and his girlfriend giving rides, buy diapers, formula, cigarettes and given money. Now that she(the girlfriend) has a car, I no longer hear from her. I'm scared. I keep getting this feeling like I'm going to freak out and run next door and just start screaming at my neighbors. I want to leave Cartersville so bad. I'm planning to move to Savannah to be near my sister, but it will take time to get this house sold and manage to make a way for me to get another place to stay. The biggest advantage I have living here is that the house is paid for and I don't have to pay rent. With the amount of money I get monthly for my SSD and SSI, it's not enough to pay rent. With what my dad left me when he passed away might be enough to help me get a new place, but it certainly won't be enough to live on completely. The money will be gone if I used it to pay rent or purchase a house. I'm so scared. I only want to not be alone. I only want friends. I want my family.