living with god
I know this must sound like an intense title to a journal
but the subject title was said to me by my friend the Abbess.
She said "We do not need to learn to live alone, but we need to learn
to live with God." She also said to me that the whole american notion
of being strong and living apart from others is a mistaken ideal.
She said that God gave us community and family so that we would have each other.
For myself I am thinking now, how living alone, purposefully has been a blessing
because it has taught me the value of loving those in my life.
My condition makes me variable in stability and so I may not be a regular friend
or family member...but I am alone now, this afternoon, and my therapist is
on vacation..and I am faced with spending a good portion of my time alone this weekend.
I find myself trying to think about "What should I do with my time?" The question
may be a little mistaken as well. My doctor wants me (as well as my parents) to have
a fuller/more fun life outside of work (You guys have chimed in about that too! :)Right now, I am just writing here to cope
with these feelings and understandings so that I don't worry so much about
what the right thing to do is. I feel a great relationship with god right now is soothing
my insecurities and loneliness and it reassures me and grounds me in knowing
I am not doing anything wrong. I'm taking care of all the things around the apartment
that need caretaking. My bank balance is 'in check' as all my bills are paid as well.
When I think on this I actually feel pretty good. I'll go back into the bedroom
and cuddle with Blue. Have a good weekend guys!!!
Peace and xxoo,
Mark
Replies
I have also adapted to living alone, and sort of facing this reality as long-term. Of course none of us know how the rest of life will look, but it’s true that God gave us community and family or friends that are like family to be the in our environs.
I am trying not to spend money before my end of the year trip so need to live thrifty as possible. I walked to the grocery store just now and back to buy essentials and just by walking with others in my neighborhood I didn’t feel alone….and a participant.
How about getting back into an art group or class?
Or why not turn your journaling into a different sort of feature writing project? I have my Substack project I’m hoping to grow and it allows for a new thought journey. Reframes and centers my wonderings. And allows my peers to interact with new conversations
These are just suggestions, mon ami. I’m going to be around tomorrow so can catch up more then!
i'm with your abbess on how, with god, you are never alone. i hold that god believes in you, whether you believe in her or knot, so you are never alone, even when you have convinced yourself you are alone.
i think john prine wrote a song about your abbess.
dear abbess, dear abbess, my feet are too long
my hair's falling out and my rights all wrong
my friends all tell me they're no friends at all
won't you write me a letter
won't you give me a call
si-i-i-igned, unhappy.
unhappy, unhappy, you have no complaints
you are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
so listen up buster
and listen up good
stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood.
si-i-i-igned, dear abbess
Thanks Nikki and Arfie!. I’m doing much better. I wrote this before going out for a walk.
“ I’m remembering how Aemiliane has said to me that I don’t need to learn to live alone but I need to learn to live with god.
This idea is reassuring me a great deal at the moment and it’s teaching me or elevating me to be able to be more dynamic about my choices, as god would not want me to just sit in monolithic duty but rather choose creative ways to spend my time. Thinking about god gives me a wonderful touchstone for judging how I’m doing. I don’t think he wants me to live in a kind of mental cement of denial.
If you are at peace with God, you will have peace in life.
Thanks Becky!!
when i am aware of my connection to god, i am equally aware of my connections to the world around me. feeling alone is pure delusion.
insert sonny and brownie here.
god is in you
god is in me
to love all of god is to love humanity.
I just wanted to share that when you walk the path of healing with God in your heart, your healing begins to happen within, thus helping you to find the better balance of being at one with God, and at one with your own self.
When we are comfortable with ourselves, it is easier to be comfortable around others, being a part of a community.
Here's to finding what works for you!
Beloved,
You are a dear beautiful amazing child of our Living God. Please consider these words.
"in the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God. Through Him all things were made."
"abide in me and I will abide in you"
You see, like you I spent many years living alone and considered God as my roomate. That was a bit tough as, having a perfect roomate makes all my flaws so obvious, but it is good that my flaws became obvious so, I could practice things that overcame the wounds I had recieved at the hands of so many others. Before my mom passed away, she was in need, and my brothers lived close to her but they were unable to care for her the way she needed as she was a very difficult person. I left my home and my comfort and went to attend to our mom. I had to face being there in her home instead of mine, surrounded by all my triggers and brothers who were not healthy for me at all and I found myself longing for the peace I had come to know, in the tiny place I spent with God.
I began praying about being homesick as, caring for our mother would be necessary the rest of her life, be that months or years and I began praying. Our God spoke to me, in answer to my prayers and my distress and said, "Who are you?" I replied, I am yours my God, bought at a price. then our God spoke again and asked me, "Who am I my child?" You are my perfect God, my God of all comfort and power, the author and creator of my life." Again God asked me yet another question, "Where am I my child?" My God, you are all present, you are everywhere all the time. Then finally God reminded me of HIs word, and spoke again this way. "You know I told you, abide in me and I will abide in you? Well you do abide in me, and I do abide in you. How can you be homesick? I am your home. I am here now and you are still living in me.
My mother passed away a few short months after that. It has been years and years ago now. It was Jesus who spoke those words, "abide in me and I will abide in you." and it is Jesus who is the word, and I have not only been continually listening to the word of our God for 30+ years, but also putting it into practice and speaking the word, thinking the word, living the word, as I abide in the word, the word abides in me and flows out of me.
All the power of our God is gifted to us through the living words of our God. If you have a phone, you can go to biblegateway.com, look up a book or verse (I love the book of James) and listen to it play over your phone any time. I play it as I sleep and often while I am awake, even when I am watching tv or have company over, it plays softly in the background, and my spirit and soul are nourished and refreshed and empowered.
Consider also if you are willing, practicing these words. "fix your eye on Jesus" I think of it like, I do obviously see the world I live in, in my fleshly body of death and decay, but the focus of my eyes is on my savior who's love for me is an example to me of how to love every other person I meet or know or have known. My life has been transformed from one I hated, and longed to end as it was so much pain to a life of Joy and peace and love, that is a night and day difference from where I used to live.
May the peace of our God which transcends all understanding always guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus our Lord.
your servant in Christ Jesus our Lord
joseph
thanks Arfie! Thanks Mid and Joseph!