living life
I guess what I have finally realized about this place (here at St. Nina's)
is that it's the closest thing to living 'in art' that I have ever experienced.
I know I have got to take care of myself (and I do and am learning more and more
about how to do that on my own under my life circumstances which includes my mental health)
amidst all the chores and odd hours and job. Self allotted bed rests are a must and purchasing and storing treats and water in my room
and mental health sustainers like my work with my therapist, like my support group. my cat and questioning and adjusting myself so that
I avoid making too many mental wrong turns.
In addition to all that, I know I have a community here and we are individuals in the same spirit of taking
care of ourselves all separately and yet also coming together for our communal life as well. Valuing each other!
It's really lovely....to me. We bump heads and we've all got different 'takes on things'
but it still is pretty amazing as an adult - to have like an all adult family.
I've also been considering that I know that if I think too much about others I can get sick - I also know left to my own
focus and my life - I can spin and get sick as well with paranoia or venom. It's a balance and maybe a healthgiving practice.
My parents might want to control and influence aspects of my life - and then yet also
want me to be independent...I also realize that I can't share everything with them without
needing to put my guard up a little -
I am realizing that indeed I am living my life - independently - and well - and I don't need their approval through expressing every detail.
They might want a say on things at times - and I am not being childish in my rejection of needing their
approval - nor recalcitrant - but I am thinking it's time for me
to be living for myself rather than looking for their rubber stamp and succor.
Realistically, I am reminded of as one friend put it when he talks to his parents "It's always an adventure.' It's good to respect that. I love my family and family is not about right or wrong
it's about being complete (as the proverb says, thanks arf!). I also need to be living for myself - otherwise my days are just passing me by
and I am not even present to partake, experience and know what I am enjoying.
Replies
Always reaching for meaning can be really exhausting- I have found, Markus. Actionable steps is where the progression starts to take place.
When you say living in art, I can identify with that. Artful living is a kind mindful living, really. Taking an artsy philosophy on difficult things and realities out there in society can help a whole hell of a lot….not just for oneself but in teaching others how to do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around.
I can’t identify with a monastic living style but what ever helps ground you in the artful life is a good, good thing.
Have you been painting or drawing? Why don’t you start working your journals into an “art show” of sorts? It’s a good practice to switch the written word into visuals sometimes. It helps me anyway.
Sending hugs and noogies!!!!
I determined to take the morning off from services to rest
as I have a long work day ahead today.
Everything seems to be unfurling within me -
and my connections with others or rather disconnections
are making me need to go within - remember how some responded to me
and in opposite to that see what response came from others.
I need to get real and keep on keeping on.
I feel like crying - so much work to keep stable
or find a plateau to stand on
and then down another swoop.
It does feel like I am living in art here -
but perhaps as it is communal it could be
understood as a 'group's vantage' rather than
the vantage of couplehood 0 - where there are only
two arguing about how things should be done.
I need to keep strong with god and realize
you can't please 'em all. Like i said above...
" I know I have a community here and we are individuals in the same spirit of taking
care of ourselves all separately and yet also coming together for our communal life as well.
It's really lovely....to me. We bump heads and we've all got different 'takes on things'
but it still is pretty amazing as an adult - to have like an all adult family."
peace
Thanks again Nikki,
I’m home from work now and super tired. All the stuff I want to do is bad for me. I don’t know …but your response really resonates after a day at work…
Here’s to keep on keeping on, Marko. It’s tiring, but sometimes you gotta shake things up with a HEALTHY RISK and try something out of the usual. If you don’t know what’s healthy or not, i find honesty to be the best strategy.
Honesty and directness. Not lost in the sound and image of abstractions. The world is wonky. It’s refreshing to hone in on the real stuff. That’s the good stuff. You gotta crack through shenanigans and BS and games, but it’s freeing and liberating.
Hugs.