Little Girl
Little Girl...I was watching the Today show this morning...they were showing interesting craft displays and had children decorating a felt tree. One little girl, about 2 years old, began crying and Matt picked her up to comfort her. She had dark blonde hair in pigtails and pouty, beautiful lips...It hit me like a kick in the gut...she was a less cute version of Cassi at that age...Ouch.
So Sandra Bullock adopted another child, but I am no Sandra Bullock...if I had her resources maybe...but I would be terrified. I always was with Cassi. NOW...after my worst nightmare came true...I am afraid I would want to raise the child in a plastic bubble which is no life...
My heart just hurts.
So Sandra Bullock adopted another child, but I am no Sandra Bullock...if I had her resources maybe...but I would be terrified. I always was with Cassi. NOW...after my worst nightmare came true...I am afraid I would want to raise the child in a plastic bubble which is no life...
My heart just hurts.
Replies
Gentle hugs for your hurting heart Gina. We so understand.....oh we soooo understand. Much love & compassion dear friend.
Oh Gina - I so understand.....seems like no matter where you turn, those memories come flooding in.....((((((hugs))))) Vicki
Those reminders come and bring a huge heart tug, I know.
Oh yes, somehow these memories tend to edge their way into our lives. I saw that part of the Today show too and it did not effect me watching it then but reading your journal made me think of when Josh was in a wedding, (Spanish style) for the next door neighbor\'s daughter. I was asked to make him a matador type costume and I thought of it as a great honor that he was asked to be the ring bearer at only two years old. He dragged the flower girl (about age 3) down the aisle, placed the pillow with the rings on the step and turned around, and started crying. Of course I stood up with open arms and he sat on my lap the rest of the ceremony. Most smiled and chuckled but looking back I wonder if that was too much pressure that I put on him by accepting this duty. I wonder if he were still alive, would I be still worried about the pressure?
I also understand the \"bubble child\" theory that you speak of... If Josh had died much earlier in his life, poor Christopher would have been a \"bubble child.\" I understand... We tried to adopt one of our foster children but it did not work out because of her race. That hurts too...but also brings a smile to my face. Memories do hurt but they also may later bring a smile to our faces.
Sending love,
Leda
I am sorry you heart hurts. I understand.
Your journal reminded me of a time when I
came to the realization of how little control I
had in my life. I thought I could control the
world and all that it touched in my life. How
out of control I really am. There are no guarantees
in life has been my realization of late...all I have a y
real power of is now...the same for my kids and others that touch my life.
Have you considered being a Big Sister or a guardian ad liem through the
Courts helping other children--both volunteer positions
.
Love you my friend
Isn\'t it funny, how the strangest things remind us of our lost child?? You just never know, when it will happen.I smiled, when I read about \"a less cute version of Cassi\" and I am sure she was!!
I am too old, to even think about mothering another child. However, at forty five you are not.Maybe, you should look into being a foster parent, or big sister like Ann suggested. It may still be too soon, but maybe one day??
I am sorry that your heart is hurting. I know that feeling, so well.
(((((HUGS))))), Julia
I understand. I used to sit outside at work on our \"wall\" and sometimes I would see a man with similar build, hair etc walking in the parking lot and it would hit me like a ton of bricks. XOXO Belinda
Always, a heart tug.....we are sore and sorry, it doesn\'t take much to feel Jake near me.....at all his adorable, excirting, ages. Holidays make it just that much harder. This whole month of family and memories, is wrought with pain. Be strong and loving to one\'s self, I say. Love, abby
Gina, My heart goes out to you and I give you big hugs. The holidays are a tough time as I am coming to learn quickly. I like Ann\'s idea about being a big sister. I so wish I could have put a bubble around my son so that I could have protected him more, but that is not the way this life works. We only use these bodies for the amount of time that we are given. Keep your precious memories close. Hugs to you!
Can\'t tell you how many teenage girls with long blonde hair I\'ve followed around stores. Amazing I wasn\'t arrested for stalking!
Understanding hugs~
I was lucky to have grandchildren to fill my life. the Hole is still there. My grandson does things that make me smile and think of his Dad. Even though little Mike looks like his Mom and Dad his actions speak dad all over the place. My little ones talk about Mike when they feel his presence. This warms my heart.
I am sending you hugs I hope will wrap around you
Penny